Am Not Coping

[Faith-and-Hope]

I put t-bar because the t was out on its own and it made no difference what letter I used there.

Yes, I hope the changes that are coming don't increase the strain on me, but I am feeling that the therapists are taking up the strain at the moment ..... the pdoc last week was pushing WH in that apt quite hard, but he wasn't reactive towards me afterwards ...., but the therapist also pointed out that both WH and S2 were taking over me in conversation and cutting me off, invalidating what I had to say as long-winded and not worthy of attention ..... he told them both that that will just exacerbate our situation, apart from the fact that it is controlling and arrogant. D1 did that to me last week, and matched what they had said word for word ..... "I know what she is going to say, and she is taking too long to say it" as a justification for cutting me off ..... these are the ocpd traits ...., always feeling like they are running out of time and everything has to happen immediately, and in a compressed form. While I have been protesting this, because I am not a doormat, our situation has been triggering these traits in the kids ..... hence S2's trauma ..... and it will now be obvious to these two when S1, D1 and D3 are doing this to me too ......

It is support for me in the process of sorting them, and I think it is a shield for me that the therapists are carefully creating as they go along ...., they are so good at what they do .... ❣️

[Faith-and-Hope]

Across: beheld (3) ..., last letter W
Down: physics particle (4)

@Zoe7

[Zoe7]

That is pretty impressive @Faith-and-Hope - it is heartwarming for me to know that someone 'has your back' in this process. It is no wonder S2 does the same as WH seeing as he sees his dad as a role model - and the other baby dragons will hopefully see those little changes and start being a little more patient and less 'aggressive' towards you also. I have my finders and toes crossed and Toby has his paws crossed for you too 

across - SAW?

down - ATOM

[Zoe7]

@Faith-and-Hope I really feel like KFC right now but I know I can't afford it - and it will make me feel sicker (and I've had too many meds to drive ) but the thought of it is still tempting!!!! Was going to go to the shop on the way home but was too thrown by the news so came straight home.

[Faith-and-Hope]

across - SAW ✅

down - ATOM. ✅

Yes ..... it is such a relief ..... but where I thought it was an environmental influence, it is actually genetic as well ...... so once WH was triggered it brought far, far more of the environmental influences into play. It is all becoming much easier to understand what has happen d with all our dynamics, but it is beyond me to fix it under these cirmstances.

If the kids are 50% WH and 50% me ..... I wonder whether they will start calling on my influences within S2 as well, as a part of balancing him out again. That will also increase my validity in this equation ..... not that I am perfect, cos I'm not ..... it's just that WH and his family are so extreme in this triggered state ...... and what the therapists are saying supports my position where my position had been overwhelmed previously .....

The pendulum has swung back the other way .....

Across: obsessive enthusiast (lol) (6) .... M _ _ I _ _

Down: Tv promotions (abbrev.) (3)

@Zoe7

[Faith-and-Hope]

Do you have any chicken at home @Zoe7 ?

It's a spiced buttermilk coating on KFC ..... maybe an oven-baked version will quell that craving, even if its milk and egg, or yogurt, rather than buttermilk .....

[Zoe7]

We could hope that the kids are more than 50% you - that would give them a 'fighting' chance to come out the other side of all this with more longevity in regards to balanced and acceptable behaviours. 

Keep the pendulum swinging your way I say Hon - and then superglue it so it can't ever swing back again lol @Faith-and-Hope

across - MANIAC

down - ads

No - I don't have anything - I really need to do some shopping - haven't been up to it at all. I will try to go out a bit later otherwise it will have to wait until tomorrow.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hope you keep some tinned goods on hand @Zoe7 ..... those cups of pre-cooked rice and a tin of corn, and a tin of tuna are a good combo that tick all the boxes .... pinch of died onion and splash from a boiled kettle and dinner is ready ......

[Faith-and-Hope]

Have to walk home from the coffee shop now @Zoe7 ..... I ended up here late today ..... so I can keep chatting on the way home, but the crossword is not achieveable with the umbrella ...... lol ..... not an octopus ...... 😏

[Zoe7]

No tinned anything @Faith-and-Hope 

I don't tend to have much tinned or packaged food of any type - everything is usually fresh (except for pasta - I don't make that fresh - too much effort lol)

I'll wait until late when the afterschool and end-of- work traffic has gone and get a few things to get me by the next couple of days. If that fails I still have my favourite snack food - carrots!!!

Not an octopus - oh no - completely shattered my illusions of you lol  What exactly would a mix of an octopus and a flower look like (with grey/silver hair) mmmmm interesting visuals in my head lol