BPD

[New2BPD]

Hi all. I am knew to this forum and I am also new (recently diagnosed) to BPD. I am trying to gain a better understanding of my diagnosis in order to manage it and move on with my life, my supportive partner and our children. I cannot (for the moment) process emotions at all. I am able to suppress them and not allow myself to feel anything. I lie without intention to do so, almost like it is now a habit and I have caused my loved one's a great deal of pain. At first when BPD was brought to my attention I was in a great deal of denial, but I need and want to acknowledge what I do, how I do it, how to stop doing it and to stop hurting those that mean the most to me. The damage I have caused is too great. I will not allow this to define me, but I also am aware that I can still block certain things when approached and without even meaning to do so I will defer the topic at hand and see everything as a personal attack. I am now aware I do this, that's what angers me most is now I am aware, but my set ways kick in and I get on the defensive. After I have done so I think back and regret my reaction. I know I have a long way to go BRING IT ON! I am aware, I am scared, I am willing and I am ready. Anyone with BPD that has any stories, suggestions or insight please respond. I will take it all onboard and utilise everything I possibly can moving forward with my treatment. Also any carers as my partner is my rock and I have put him through hell and back. Now it is time for me to get well, stay well and be a family again. Thank you 🙂

[Bubblegummah]

I've only recently been diagnosed as well, however I found Facebook support groups and things like that help a lot. A lot of the people in these groups post explanations on certain aspects of BPD and their symptoms, DBT, and others.

[Iris]

Hey New2BPD welcome aboard! I see you have a lot to deal with atm and i'ts great you have come to a very supportive place. There are other threads you might find helpful as you navigate your BPD. When you have time, have a peek at some of the forum topics including Social Spaces, Useful resources and Looking after ourselves for example. Welcome 🙂

[New2BPD]

Hi @Bubblegummah  thank you for your response! I have looked on Facebook, but I am reluctant to write on any of these due to my name showing up. I know I need to own this, I'm just not ready for extended friends and family to become aware of this until I have a full understanding. I just don't want any judgement or questions to come flooding in that I cannot yet give an honest answer to. I hope you find peace and comfort with your BPD once you find your feet with it all 🌼

[New2BPD]

Hi @Iris Thank you for the warm welcome and suggestions. I will definitely look into those threads. My confusion at the moment is my lying. Although little, this has caused a lot of pain, distrust and problems for myself and those around me. I feel it is mainly when I assume a certain outcome so I go into flight or fight mode. And a majority of the time it isn't even intentional. This is a huge thing I need to work on and stop. I know I can do it, I just want to also know if there are other pwBPD that do or have done this and what has helped them break this "habit" Thank you again for your suggestions 🙂

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, @New2BPD , it's good to have you here, where there are people who can relate to what you're going through. 

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@New2BPD wrote:

I need and want to acknowledge what I do, how I do it, how to stop doing it and to stop hurting those that mean the most to me.

...

I am aware, I am scared, I am willing and I am ready. 

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I am impressed with your attitude - I think that's half the battle, being aware and willing to learn /change. Good for you 🙂

I don't have BPD, but if you type 'BPD' into the search bar, you'll find lots of threads about it. I see you have already figured out the tagging system...ahead of the game!

I hope you enjoy exploring the forums, and find listening ears and the support and information you're looking for. 

[Judi9877]

Hi @New2BPD . Thanks for deciding to reach out to the forums about BPD. Like you, I have BPD and it was difficult for me when I was first diagnosed in my late 20s - I'm 42 now- and I struggled to understand it. I also have schizophrenia and depression which makes life interesting at times. For me, I have found that reading up on the condition helps and getting a support team of people who know about the condition is important. This means a GP and a psychiatrist or a psychologist who can help you with the problems with emotions and relevant issues you may encounter. Feel free to tag me using the @ function if you want to chat. 
Take care

Judi9877

[Judi9877]

Hi @Bubblegummah and welcome to the forums! I also have BPD and would just like to let you know that I'm here if you'd like to chat. Just use the @ function and use my name.

Take care.

Judi9877

[New2BPD]

Hi @Judi9877  thank you for your message. I met with mental health professionals today. After a long 2 and a half hour session, I am exhausted. My partner/support person was with me also. The guilt and shame I am feeling right now is to say the least overwhelming. I have steps in place to go through therapies so that's a start. I just feel like such a burden. After the absolute he'll I have put my partner through, he is still at my side. I feel undeserving of this by a mile. I have done some horrid things and don't want that to be how I am perceived as a person. I don't want to be like this any more! I felt great about getting help, I still want to go through with it. I just feel really crappy after today and the truths I finally told. It was extremely hard as I have always buried things or lied. It has been a mega day today. Did you have these days and what helped you through them? Any insight or suggestions would be greatly appreciated 🙏

[Former-Member]

Hi @New2BPD 

Welcome to the SANE Forums!  I am a Moderator here at the SANE Forums. It sounds like despite feeling good about getting help, yesterday was really intense and difficult. How are you travelling today @New2BPD?

Thinking of you!

Kindest Regards,

Amour_Et_Psyché