Let's do Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT)

[Appleblossom]

Congrats on your big Melbourne trip @Phoenix_Rising

They are good questions to ponder.  I experienced 'when good men do nothing evil occurs', subtly all through my childhood, and it has taken me a long time to reflect on all the different social circumstances I have been in and consider things from an empowered adult point of view.

Differences between acceptance and approval are important and a good tool for me to take into further conversations in my life. 

I find the idea of the standard you walk past is what you accept a bit OTT. To me arises possibilities of a lot of meddling or unecessary judgement.  It all depends on circs. @CheerBear  I dont like to witness abuse and sometimes will quietly get involved, if I think I can have a postive effect, but other times it is not appropriate.  I also remember being hurt/ confused by the gaze of passers by when I was a little girl walking on the street with my parents. 

@Sans911 I shared similar conversations with my brother and sister.  In the end I have come to an acceptance of their suicides, but for a very long time, I was deeply upset by being told to accept, it just triggered the pain and grief. Seemed like people did not care. I am glad you are finding relief and meaning in the voluntary work you do.    Partly it helped me putting into perspective our childhood experences and gaining a sense of our trauma load.

I am a bit long in the tooth and have now seen a few fashions in therapy pass by, but I really like the way the forum is engaging about DBT. Discussing rather than passively accepting it as the gold standard  I feel too old for it, and it may have been great to have access to it 30 years ago , but it was not available ... I was glad to have access to the various therapies that I did, though also aware now that I was often retraumatised without realising.  Clutching at straws for a long time maybe, but enough to make some sort of life raft.

[Catcakes]

Interesting that you say you feel too old for DBT @Appleblossom.
I must say I did feel a bit confused when I participated in DBT as I was the oldest by far in my group. While researching to see why this may be , I found that many people no longer meet the criteria for this diagnosis by their 50’s.
So why do I still ?
I have no idea but I do feel my symptoms are starting to mellow (or is it because I have participated in DBT ???)
I’m yet to answer these questions.
I’m sorry @Phoenix_Rising if you felt my previous post a little harsh,
I also think you have done amazingly well in your change -the -world journey to Melb.
I’ve had a crap day 😞

[Faith-and-Hope]

Sorry it’s been a crap day @Catcakes ..... hoping you can manage self care tonight ....

💐🌿

[Catcakes]

Seven for dinner,
Place looks like a Chinese laundry
But thanks
@Faith-and-Hope

[Teej]

Just thought I’d add my two cents in here. I’ve been thinking about it a bit. For me I don’t see it as a dialectic and I may be really wrong with my understanding .....that two opposing things can be true at the same time. I think accepting a situation as it is is one step on its own. The dialectic to me would be to not accept a situation as it is or to see some alternative reality. I see accepting the situation as a step. You either accept or not a given situation then you have a choice what to do with that acceptance which is where the dialectics could be many any varied. 

In my mind I was trying to think of a few situations to see if it worked. Please know I’m just toying with this and furthering my own clarity around it (Radical acceptance is not my strong point). 

First example - getting an object from a retail store. To me the situation is you have to pay the agreed amount to the shop keeper for an item, that’s the reality. The opposite to this is you don’t pay for it and don’t expect to pay as you don’t see this as reality. If you accept the reality that all items from retails stores need to be purchased by legal tender then you have different choices with varying consequences. If you steal it or argue you shouldn’t have to pay or try to barter or whatever they are all choices after accepting the reality. 

In dealing with people and situations I think it’s a bit the same. If you’ve been wronged/harmed, that is your reality. You didn’t choose it or want it to happen and it hurts, has ramifications and feels so unfair and unjust to you. The hard part is what you choose to do with that reality. The reality is you can’t turn back time for it not to happen but you can choose how you will approach it from that point or from any point along a time line. 

I think in my past I have tried to fight the reality part that already exists. As @CheerBear said I think you don’t have to like it to radically accept situations but accept this is how it is and then work out from your values and strategies available what you do next. @Phoenix_Rising highlighted that sometimes that something doesn’t happen for a while, sometimes time changes things too and you choose a different action because that is more affective for you at the time. 

PS just in case this sounds like I have my act together with this please know I don’t. I think I know the theory a bit but in reality I suck at this and often make things worse being in emotion mind. 

@Sans911 I thought a lot about what you wrote too. Some of it was close to home but it made me question about the choice to take your life if you are a parent. It’s just a thought and no need to debate it. I get very confused with this part. 

[Teej]

@Catcakes I hit send too soon multi tasking..... I really should only ever do one thing at a time. Sorry you’ve had a crap day too. It always makes it hard. I did DBT in my 50s too 😳. 

@Appleblossom Interesting to see your points of view. Having only ever exposed to DBT,  Schema Therapy and a tiny bit of ACT.  I don’t have much to compare. I am still very much grappling with so many parts of therapy and lots of things about being human. I’ve struggled with living in fantasy world rather than even getting what is real. 

[Catcakes]

Too many people here for me to contemplate your post @Teej
But I do wish you had been in my DBT group
Maybe I wouldn’t have felt like repairing everyone’s jeans 😏

[Appleblossom]

That is so funny @Catcakes ROFL

I hope you dont get upset, but I see you seated in circle with all those factory shredded skinny jeans ... 

[Teej]

It took @Appleblossom post for me to get that @Catcakes. I’ve had a very strange day. Somethings have clicked and some I’ve just been on go slow. I’ve had a smile since I got it. I am often surrounded by them here lately. You would be sewing over time. Both times I’ve done DBT there have been a real mix of ages which I felt a bit lucky for but the last time the young ones outnumbered us. They were all gorgeous though.

edited. Gorgeous on the inside. Don’t remember clothing much but I do notice ripped jeans with sons girlfriends. 

[Catcakes]

I’m bouncing all over the place 😩
@Appleblossom