Self Compassion

[Ginny]

@@Grubby toes, I think the site is a really good idea. I have recently had another breakdown and on evaluation realised that I just wasn't doing a thing to spoil and help myself. My meditation and mindfulness had gone out the door and I wondered why I had broken again.

i find mindfulness (or the trying of it) so helpful with pain etc. Go for it! 

[PeppiPatty]

Yesterday, @grubbytoes, I met my husband's team at hospital : they came to visit him and meet me. Though we have been back together for a while now, I do not get involved with his 'medical stuff,' as its none of my business unless he invites me

Anyway : it was amazing; they were wonderful and very focused on him
I was thinking : also I'm actually self caring for myself : I wonder if they are responding to it .... Self caring that is
I must get this book or two
Thanks @MonnGal for writing it was good reading your message

[Rusalkin]

@grubbytoes wonderful topic thankyou. It's been a focus for me over last 12 months. 

@MoonGal Absolutely re staying away from any victim blaming ( I use the standard term as even the word victim now has so much shame around it) eg Law of Attraction, New Age " your fault" woo woo 

Blaming is such a convenient way, imho for people to avoid the awareness that life is difficult & complex & that bad stuff happens to good people. 

Tara Brach is right up there on my list of one who gives me good, scientific reasons for being kind to myself & her humility & intelligence, give me a very safe place to go, when I feel scattered. I actually listen to her before I go to sleep. It helps a lot. 

[MoonGal]

@Rusalkin you have no idea how helpful it was that you even mentioned my name and the message came into my inbox - with the words "self-Compassion" as the heading, i am struggling with something and that helped enormously. I wish I could remember my own real-voice and clarity at times when I am falling off the planet in anxiety or worry.

[Rusalkin]

@MoonGal

I'm having my own " day". Getting packed to head away over next week. 

So my helps are

anything that Tara Brach or Rick Hanson do, say or think. There's lots on Utube & podcasts for Tara. 

I have that on in the background. I practise grounding a lot. This morning's is a bit of L'Occitane perfume to help me come back to my senses.

The deal with myself for the day is; 

do just one " grown up thing" ( clean parrots cages, vacuum, spend 10 mins sorting my suitcase) 

then do one self care thing.( yoga, shower, connect to others, here for eg, eat, drink tea, practise flute)  

keep alternating just one of each at a time

let each critical & anxious thought come, stop, come back to what I was doing & keep connecting to my bigger picture which is safe.

imagine feeling satisfied & proud of myself when I go to sleep tonight

focus on my intention to get away tomorrow peacefully. Try & shifts the anxiety into excitement ( they're on the same neural path apparently) 

just writing this out helps me!!!! ✨

Stop & count the tiniest of things I've done well today ( I got out of bed when I wanted to just crawl back in is a start)

hope this helps a bit.

It's only a day, 24 hours & that all the " successful people" having perfect family Christmases, aren't what I need to focus on, but focus on just what I need to do to be kind ( especially in my mind) to me.

[Ginny]

Hi @ moongal. I am impressed at your plan. I try to, when I am really in a black hole to follow those rules. I try to achieve something.

Christmas is different, I have realised that 2 weeks have sort of drifted past. It is weird really, I can feel the depression pulling. This time of year is difficult for me and the whole thing has been masked by steroids. 

Thankyou for reminding me of myself. I wish you light and love this Christmas!  Relaxing and happiness.

[Former-Member]

[Vanessa5]

Great link @grubbytoes,

I like the following:

Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a “stiff upper lip” mentality, you stop to tell yourself “this is really difficult right now,” how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?

Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?

It has links to mindfulness also. Thanks @grubbytoes

[Former-Member]

Thanks for the website @grubbytoes, really good.

http://self-compassion.org/

Only stumbled on this thread this morning, giving ourselves a break with self compassion sure brings healing. But its so against the grain of my internal dialogue it takes deliberate effort to retrain my thoughts toward myself.

Hope youre still loving into the forums, just wanted to thank you too 👍🌷🌿