~ The Toolshed ~

[lonemushroom]

@Cuddlebear aw I hope you and your doggie have heaps of fun at the park, I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been in a rut though 💗

I also have complex ptsd and had covid for the very first time just a couple months ago which has put me in a bad way so I feel you there, I’m sure our stories are very different as is the case with everyone’s personal journeys but just wanted you to know you’re not alone

I’ve only started seeing my psychologist again since just last week after struggling to get a referral back and being without help for 3 years so it’s taking a while for a clear care plan to really come together but I guess it usually depends on what’s going on with me at a particular time and how I’m handling things. I got broken up with 3 weeks ago right when I’m still dealing with some preeeeetty messed up family stuff that went down at the beginning of this year that basically completely retraumatised me to the max, and to be really honest every single mental health professional I’ve been speaking to recently, including my psychologist, have pretty much all said the same that the way he went about not being able to continue our relationship was pretty irresponsible on his end, and that I deserve to be able to voice my feelings and talk to him about why his actions were hurtful (we’re not completely no contact as we’ve agreed we want to at least still be friends). so my psychologist wants me to try and write out as much as I can about how I’m feeling and what I’d like to say to him and tomorrow she’s gonna help me reword things and figure out a message to send to him. my complex ptsd really makes me struggle with communication and standing up for myself a lot so that can be a common theme at times 😅

[Cuddlebear]

@lonemushroom   Thank you for sharing. It sounds like you have been treated very poorly and I am honestly sad to hear it. I agree with your psychologist and you that you deserve much better from your ex partner. I am really glad you are writing the letter and that your psychologist is supportive and will help go over it with you. The way the break up happened didn’t need to be that way. Closure and saying how it made you feel, the impact on you is terribly important and a really brave step towards healing. 

 
Yes each of us have our own unique stories where trauma is concerned. However we can empathise really well because we know what it is like. It can really help having people who hear us and believe us. I too have issues with standing up for myself and have been other peoples door mat at times. We deserve to be treated with dignity, respect, patience, love and empathy. 

I had a good play in the park with my doggie. We are home now and just relaxing. I’m scrolling internet while he has an afternoon nap lol. 

Has your day gone ok? Any plans tonight? 

[Sparky79]

[rav3n]

@Sparky79 the "cold water feels warm when your hands are freezing" is so real!

reminds me of another one, i can't find the pic but it goes something like 'never go shopping when you're hungry, you might grab the wrong thing' (about not looking for love when you're lonely, you might accept the bare minimum or lower)

[Sparky79]

@rav3n I used to use a similar analogy when I worked for a charity dealing with homelessness (I won't go into more detail in case it identifies myself or the charity), to justify damage to charity properties, a nice home is like the hot water, so they would cause some damage, make it something they felt more worthy or deserving of (adding cold water). I'll admit it was heart breaking, seeing financial donations being used to repair things that were wilfully damaged, often the same things needing fixing on every scheduled visit. But I used to reassure myself with if it was this bad with the help we were giving, how much worse would it be for them without our help. 

[Dimity]

@Sparky79 wow

"so they would cause some damage, make it something they felt more worthy or deserving of" that actually explains a situation I'm seeing with someone I know.

[Sparky79]

@Dimity Yeah it's sad to see, when someone you're trying to help doesn't think they're worthy or deserving, so they bring it down to their perceived level, make it something they deserve.

[rav3n]

@Sparky79 definitely disheartening for me to hear about, can't imagine how hard it must've been for you to directly deal with it. appreciate you sharing, really puts things into perspective. not everyone tends to search for the 'why' but i'm glad you took the time to understand them. 

[Dimity]

It's been emotionally and financially draining @Sparky79 . Maybe just being there for them is actually the best thing to do. It's such a hard call.

[Sparky79]

@rav3n Thanks, yeah seeing the best side of society numerous times a day all over my state is why I now have PTSD, anxiety, depression and haven't been able to work for 3 years. There's not many places I can drive where I don't have a flashback of the charity properties in that location, I won't go into the many other triggers that I developed from the workplace trauma. Needless to say there's only so many RSPCA reports, child protection reports, police reports and other reports you can make before it skews your perception of reality and society.