Hi @Phoenix_Rising,
Good idea to create a positive FUN thread about Christmas. I certainly could do with some help to clear the mental pathways toward the positive (battling depression & all, lol).
I thought at first "oh, here we go again, i have to perform to participate again" But you are much deeper than that, REAL and sensitive to the issues:
- some have no family, or even friends
- many spend Christmas day alone
- alone can feel excruciating, horrendous & oh-so-hard...
I just have to briefly say to you Phoenix that I am sad that you have had so many Christmases by yourself - nobody deserves to be this isolated 💜.
I remember when my son first told me he wasn't coming home for Christmas, but spending it with his partner's family (x3 yrs ago), oh my goodness, I was so crushed. I simply couldn't imagine Chrissy without my kidz and wanted to die. My family live far away, always broke, disfunctional, loud and negative. They never come to me. It meant I was alone, no choice. My many acquaintances to tjis day never make room at their 'family' Christmas feasts for me (not that i want to suffer the indignity of being 'the charity case' for the day). All I could think to do was STOCK UP ON MOVIES & YUMMY FOOD & DISAPPEAR INTO MY CAVE (which is weird cause I'm already invisible lol). Sometimes for days.
Once, as advised by my acquaintances, I rang around the x3 local Soup Kitchens, to volunteer (somehow give out of my nothingness to buy company), BUT 😱 they did not need anymore volunteers, 😭 ouch! 😖 I felt like such a loser trying.
But I survived my first christmas alone, and twice since. I've had to learn to:
◾ Separate myself from old ideas of how Christmas should be
◾ Be proactive in addressing my own emotional need (this is real hard with cPTSD, much therapy & meditation required (eyes rolling)
◾ Resist the temptation to 'boycott' Christmas as that can make it worse ( learned in therapy). It never occured to me before. I usually just get angry and throw up walls. Counselling taught me to be proactive and form strategies to cope with looming difficult days / instead of avoidance. A lot of grief work helped.
◾ Christmas 'get-togethers' do not have to be on Christmas Day, or even close to. But, beforehand is best for me - the pain of being alone on the day is much less if my Christmas 'get together' occurred BEFOREHAND, to reflect on, I can then tell myself "i've done Christmas" And, if anyone asks, while boasting or stressing about accommodating their own tribal gatherings, I can announce positively - "We've already celebrated Christmas, it was great!.. "
Phoenix, i love that you've risen above the pain:
- got the hang of it (Chrissy alone)
- developed ways of navigating the day.
- ceated family Christmas traditions...just without the family bit.
- learnt to make it a fun quirky time.
I'm glad to be with you to "count down the days' to Christmas and celebrate your "first Christmas in Forum Land" To enhance and enjoy more - the fun parts of Christmas.
Count me in ☺ 👍 I absolutely superly duperly will be joining in. Thanks for the invite Phoenix-Rising🎄🎉❤
