I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I’m not sure that I should be on here. It’s really daunting. I feel like I don’t belong and I’m really unsure of myself. 

I started today ok. I’ve done two loads of washing, ironed all my work clothes and half of the rest of the ironing pile. The pile was huge. I couldn’t hold onto that pace. I have so much to do but just fell backwards. Now I’m back in bed with Pix and Jett curled up with me. I can’t face anymore. My psych said I shouldn’t go back to bed as it’s avoidance and it’s not the best thing to for me to do. I’m letting her down by being here but I just can’t do anything else.

Im a failure. I’m useless. I’m stupid. I’m nothing. 

[Shaz51]

@Captain24 

well done for everything you have done so far this morning , you did more than me my friend xx

sometimes it is good to have a break inbetween doing things helps 

you are so part of this community my friend 

Pix and Jett curled up with me, sounds lovely 

[Captain24]

Thanks @Shaz51. 

I’ve isolated myself on here and I’m probably going to isolate myself further. I don’t belong anymore. I’m feeling like I should isolate myself all together from everything. 

[Tolly]

@Captain24 You do belong, but I know sometimes how those feelings and thoughts can be so overwhelming- You have done so much this morning and achieved more than I would have managed by this time of day- I hope your two beautiful fur babies are giving you lots of warm love and cuddles.

[Captain24]

The little black shit decided he had had enough so he got both me and Pix up. 

Everything in life is really overwhelming. @Tolly.

I don’t belong in this life anymore. Isolated, sad, alone and I’m a nobody. 

[Tolly]

@Captain24 I can understand those feelings of being alone, but I just want you to know that you are so valued here and you have been so productive this morning doing things that needed to be done, and you are always so supportive of the community here and so compassionate towards everyone else, hope you can be kind to yourself this afternoon 🌼

[Captain24]

I wouldn’t say I was overly productive @Tolly . I should have done more. I’ve rewritten my list into more manageable tasks. But instead of doing them I’ve take more drugs so I can go back to sleep. Sleep means I’m distracted from those suicidal thoughts. They are quite loud. 

[Tolly]

@Captain24 Have you only taken a normal amount of medication for sleep Captain24, just want to check in with you around this, are you planning on having a sleep so you can have a rest from those thoughts and then see how you feel when you have had a rest?

[Captain24]

I’ve taken a safe amount @Tolly. Hopefully I will sleep to forget. I’ll just lay here anyway. 

[Tolly]

@Captain24 💙 Thanks for letting me know Captain 24, I appreciate it, I hope you can get some rest