Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Hi @creative_writer 

Sorry.

Three questions.

You do not have to answer any but l am willing to see the answers.

I hope they make you think anyway And l am sure this is not new to you.

1) What methods do you use when feeling lonely?

2) (a) What methods would you like to use and (b) what is holding you back?

3) If you were listening to someone in a similar position, what suggestions would you make so they do not feel as lonely?

[creative_writer]

@Former-Member, needs to change over time. Different mental health professionals also have different specialities. Some people like a more direct approach, while other people like to explore their options and make up their mind from there. I am the later, I do not like feeling obliged to do something that doesn’t feel right for me, I like having the ability to manage my own care.

I probably should contact SANE at some point this week, I have no mental health related appointments this week.

My natural instinct to deal with loneliness is to self-isolate. It can be more lonely to be around people with a mask on than to be by myself without the mask. Feeling misunderstood is more painful than being alone. I don’t think being alone is the worst thing. I think it’s way worse to feel lonely around people. I know I am sort of in a self fulfilling prophecy. I shut people out, so I end up feeling lonely around people. I do technically have very few people who know about my situation, but I hold back, because I never feel safe 100%, and I don’t want to burden others. I know deep inside I believe people won’t be able to handle it, so I just don’t try. Building strong connections will take time, I don’t even know how to go about it. Forming relationships in adulthood is hard and being alone is what feels safe

[Former-Member]

Hi @creative_writer 

I relate to your reply.

Maybe it is time to contemplate things for now.

I am out of the forum soon for a few hours.

I cannot add more to your informative reply and I have same /similar views on most of what you write.

[creative_writer]

@Former-Member, perhaps it is time to contemplate. I hope you do enjoy your evening 🙂

[Former-Member]

Hi @creative_writer 

Your story is so close to mine. I isolate. People say l should not. But l am fine and do chat to some.

The mask. I am happy to wear my mask. I have one good friend. She suffered compassion fatigue in my 8th year of issues. When l see her, i have to mask issues because supporting me was a huge emotional drain and she cannot listen anymore. It hurts her mind.

So masking my feelings with her allows me to have her friendship. l am very content. The benefit is it means l have someone to have a meal with and really, the break from my issue and talk about other things is good.

I am not sure why you do not want to wear a mask. Most people only care about themselves.

This forum we have opened up and l have not had an issue. Others outside the forum do not need to know about me because openess forms judgements that are often wrong.

So l am a bit stuck why it appears you want to open up to more people. Maybe l have that wrong.

I prefer one or two close confidants. The others are fine to have a coffee or light chat. People pushed why l isolate. When others dig and want to know about me it takes awhile to relax again.

[creative_writer]

@Former-Member, I want to open up to certain people and make new friends but i find it hard to get past the small talk phase. I personally think all I need is a small group of close and trustworthy friends, then I’m good to go. That way if one friend has stuff going on in their life, I have other friends to turn to. It prevents exhausting one friend too. We are all human, there are certain issues that I am not up to supporting people with, I have a lot of inner healing that needs to be done first. I may never ever specialise in trauma in my career only because it hits too close to home, but I certainly want to not be triggered so easily. I wasn’t this bad until the vicarious trauma last year. That triggered so much in me, flashbacks were my new norm. I am grateful they have settled, I won’t say gone, because when I say that I seem to get a nasty surprise.

I also wish I had a bit more space at times, that I could just release and not have questions asked, I am almost always wearing the mask, it’s exhausting.

[Former-Member]

Hi @creative_writer 

Incredible because l mirror a lot of uour comments.

Re: I am grateful they have settled, I won’t say gone, because when I say that I seem to get a nasty surprise.

I am told reformed alcoholics, drug users, gamblers etc celebrate every day of reform and that daily celebration can go on for years or decades.

I know and am slowly accepting my trauma will always be with me. I have to stop protecting others because of what happened.

There is no magic pill.

During the trauma my adrenalin was so high l functioned. As the trauma reduced l felt lost. Burnt out emotionally. No drive. 

My remedy is helping others. Some have it so much worst than me.

I hear you.

I still say, keep some thoughts in the tank. People can turn quickly.

I am not on social media so no one can interpret what they think l do

[creative_writer]

@Former-Member, I’ve learnt having unrealistically high expectation for trauma symptoms to never flare up leads to disappointment. Life will always throw its curveballs. It’s the same with other mental illnesses too. Things are forever changing.

I try to remind myself, trauma is the definition of me, it’s part of me, the purpose of it was to make me stronger, after all, swords are forged in heat. Maybe I’ve been watching too much historic fiction.

Helping others does indirectly help you. That’s why I want to go back to Lifeline eventually, but when I am not so easily triggered.

I have Facebook, but I feel like I spend a lot of time watching cat video recommendations on it than socialising. I used to have Instagram but it was contributing to my poor body image, so I quit

[Former-Member]

Hi @creative_writer 

I keep saying

There is so much wisdom in what you write.

I think it is good you say trauma is in you. Now focus on controlling things.

Unrealistically high expectations. I hear you. Self imposed. Work on it maybe.

I cannot watch conspiracy things. Maybe as you say, some historic viewing etc needs a break

I cannot watch violence now

[creative_writer]

@Former-Member, at least they blur the fights in the TV show I watch. My mum can watch a lot in one day, me and my sister get tired, we sometimes go days without watching. Since we watch it in Turkish, we have to read the English subtitles.

Conspiracy theories are something, I don’t watch those