It's okay to cry @outlander - I think I have told you that when we cry our tears release a hormone that makes us feel bad - and it is nature's way of healing us
Of course it feels horrible at the time but whenever I have spent a long time crying I have often had a bad headache - but after that has healed I feel a lot better - as if all the bad stuff came out with the tears
They - the tears - must have a reason
Anyway - it seems to me that to help you we need to back up to a different point - as Dr Phil says it takes a thousand "Atta-girls" to overcome a small part of a lifetime of having been put down - even if you are the one doing a lot of the putting down - sounds strange but there you are
So you feel responsible for what happened to your sister - and how many other things - and the CSA as well - and that's the point to begin - to ask - is this right? - You have often said that everything you do goes wrong and that it's your fault
So - if this fits - does it make sense that we work from this point - because if this is what you believe is true then it's really hard for us to make you believe otherwise and we need to understand this.
Because if this is what you truly believe and I honour that - can you also honour this - that I believe it's totally impossible for you to be totally at fault - we all believe that -
So I think I understand - and I hope you do to - I am offering a weird sort of contract -
I believe you believe you are at fault and I honour that
I believe you are not at fault and I need you to honour that - even if you don't believe it
I know this is strange and yet I feel it's a valid point to start with - it's being very honest about what I believe
We all care about you so much - and I truly feel that you are in a bad place right now
Dec
