I'm in a nest

[Zoe7]

@CheerBear a lime green condiment kitchen - whatchya think???

[CheerBear]

Hi nest 🙂 I am feeling proud and happy and wanted to share. Today I met the "tough" psychiatrist, who was seriously kind and gentle and will be a great addition to the team. He was all about making sure it wasn't a bad experience, which was likely due to my awesome GP and my psych doing a great "heads-up - she's a bit of a snowflake" job.

Because of that, I felt safe enough to share more than I usually would. We touched on some tricky 'how development can shape personality and coping mechanisms' stuff. I spoke openly about my first experiences with suicidal thoughts as a younger CheerBear and then openly about the first time I came close and what was really going on behind closed doors living with a storm, at the time. I spoke about getting really tired of the fight with myself, how the fight gets really hard and scary sometimes, and how I wanted to not need to fight quite so hard so often. It's a really unhelpful default I can go-to, as is the tricky eating thing, which I also spoke about in detail.

He came up with a med plan that includes plan A, B, C and D and then said there were lots more we could do if we wanted. I'm not a huge med-for-me fan, but I am a huge plan fan as plans feel like options and options are good so that's how I'll look at this 🙂 Plan A is adding a PRN to my current knock-me-out one that will target the physical symptoms of anxiety and panic without knocking me out, if/when they become unhelpful. That starts now. Plan B is scary but I'm considering it. It's a mood stabiliser and it's one of few meds I haven't tried. I've got blood tests and an ecg to do first and then an appointment with my GP to discuss it more. I was asked to give it a go for three months before thinking about other plans, so that's likely to be what I'll do, after some research into it. Right now I'm feeling like I have to do something else, and maybe this is one of them.

The only proposed diagnosis change is PTSD to C-PTSD, which I did a really good job at not going off on a rant about how things can be diagnosed that aren't technically things yet, though I did sneak it in a bit (but we were doing well and it wouldn't have been helpful to keep going). This diagnosis thing matters to me, even though I really don't like that it does, but I feel better after facing it again.

With the house stuff - the real estate let me know the owner has been notified of the plumbing issues and will get on to it, whatever that means. The kitchen is drying up, the toilet not-so-much. I can't do anymore than keep mopping up, and keep crossing my fingers that my big fears (of a couple of kinds) remain fears and not reality. And feel a bit "go me" that I am facing this stuff rather than running from it all, like I really want to do sometimes.

I'm not tagging anyone because I'm guessing those who want to sit through an essay will, but I am thanking lots for the encouragement and understanding 🙂

Happy dancing my way to back-to-school prep now (big happy dancing at this one - I love them but far out it's been a long few weeks!)

🙂

[Catcakes]

Huuuuugeee congratulations @CheerBear 👍🏼!!!

[Catcakes]

Oops @CheerBear.... bit trigger happy there,
Great that your appointment went well and you are pleased with the outcome. Appointments with MH professionals can have such an impact , can’t they? Positive or negative. I understand your ambivalence re Plan B , have been there too. I’m sure you will do the right kind of research that will help you decide whether to go down that path.
I’m happy to answer questions if you want to ask any.
Sounds like a very good day for you....
Hope the soggy issues get fixed quickly too ❤️

[CheerBear]

Hey @Catcakes and thanks heaps 🙂 Your trigger-happiness made me smile!

I think my biggest consideration with meds are side effects, as well as me not having a great history with sticking to them (that's my bad) causing problems. And meds don't exactly stop annoyingly tricky life stuff from happening, as I'm thinking you might understand. It's a couple of weeks away, which gives me plenty of time to look into it. I'd love to hear your experience with it but medication talk and the forum guidelines makes me teeter on being very careful about discussing meds (which I understand why). If you do feel like sharing sometime, I'm really keen on hearing what you (and everyone) find helps the most though, out of all of the things available, meds and beyond.

Hope your day has been ok or had ok/good in it 🙂 I'll hopefully be wandering around the forum catching up later, once some fish are in bed.

[Catcakes]

My day had some good in it @CheerBear. I gave myself a reward for reaching one month alcohol-free. I bought a sofa stream. ( My son talked me into it as I was buying so much soda water in plastic bottles)
So I’m enjoying a nice Oj with soda....
Regarding Plan B.
You know how when sailing we cannot dictate from which direction the wind will come?
We can adjust the sails......
For me..... Plan B helped adjust the sails ⛵️

[CheerBear]

@Catcakes - that is awesome to hear re the alcohol free month! And that you rewarded yourself too! Go you - that's a big deal! 🎉 Soda stream sounds fun and like a great reward. Hope you're enjoying it!

I love love LOVE that analogy. Thank you for sharing. Wind, sails, boats - all really meaningful to me and a great way of looking it it. Big thanks again 😊

[Mazarita]

Hi @CheerBear, I'm sooo happy to hear your first session with the psychiatrist went so well. It sounds like you covered a lot of ground. I've been taking a mood stabiliser since about 2009. Side effects I have experienced: weight gain, slowly but surely over the years I've been on it; and it's possible it's not doing my liver that much good either. I have some issues in that area but it's hard to pin down what is really responsible for it.

As @Catcakes kind of said earlier, the mood stabiliser has made sailing the waters of life smoother for me (and for those closest to me). That's for my bipolar, as you know. So different scenario, and probably more crucial that I take it (most people with bipolar seem to need a mood stabiliser of some kind).

For what it's worth, if I was in your shoes, I'd give it a go. Three months is a good amount of time to see if it helps and a short enough amount of time to not be too worried about side effects for that time frame at least. Fully understand though if you feel it's not for you. Main thing is, it's so great that you have taken this step to find extra support for your journey.

[Maggie]

@CheerBear Good to read your news. Just letting you know I'm reading along a pushing for you, even though words are few, best wishes are not. 💗🐾😊😊

[TheVorticon]

Glad that the session with Mighty Mouse psychiatrist went well @CheerBear.
Hopefully the plumbing stuff gets sorted out quickly and without difficulty.