Lived Experience Forum

[strawberryjam]

So I'm very new to these forums, and I'm not sure how this all works. Here's to hoping. 
I'm looking for advice, or just support and comfort, whichever you want to give. 
So the thing is, I'm in love with my best friend. We've been friends for three years, and I started crushing on her in about February. Then I slowly came to realise it was a little more than a crush when I couldn't get her laugh out of my head, and I would do anything to make her smile. I told her last night. It didn't go well, and I made her cry. It broke my heart all over again. My anxiety convinced me I never had a chance with her, and rationally I knew she didn't like me in that way. But there is always a spark of hope you know? It sucked a lot, is essentially what I'm saying. I didn't plan on telling her until the last day I saw her (we're finishing university and she's moving away) but I had a chance and I thought I would be brave. I've been trying to get over her for a while now, and my friends have been saying that I need closure, and the way to do that is with a discussion between her and I. So I did that and I regret it. I don't regret my love for her at all - she's amazing and kind, and deserves to be loved. I just regret telling her. I could have been in love with her from afar and it would have hurt me, but at least it wouldn't have hurt her. I live in a dorm-type building, so I usually see her every day around the dining hall. 
I'm waiting for her to tell me what she needs, be it space and time, or just to forget I exist. But it hurts, because I love her, and I love her. So I'm losing her as a friend and the happiness she brings me, just because I was stupid enough to be brave and tell her how I felt.

TLDR; I'm in love with my best friend. Told her and made her cry. I can't fix it. Help?

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, @strawberryjam , it's good to have you here.

I really feel for you...I can relate, as I told someone a similar thing once and was rejected - it was humiliating. It wasn't my best friend, so I think your situation is much harder, as you risk losing your best friend as well as the person you love. I really hope that you don't lose her as your friend. 

I'm sorry for your hurt and your regret...sending a hug...

[Maggie]

@strawberryjam  Welcome.

I can relate. I’m sorry, I know how much it hurts when it’s not a two way love.

Sending support, as I have no advice. 

[judgeturnip]

I'm new here too. I can relate. I'm currently in love with *my* best friend, we've been friends for 4-5 years, not sure when i started crushing but i've been aware of my feelings for her for 2-3 years. Never told her, don't plan on telling her maybe ever. It hurts a lot, sometimes I think that she might feel the same way but I don't think she does. Don't think I could handle rejection so I'm keeping quiet. You're strong for telling her and doing something with your feelings, I hope you find the support you need and move on / reconcile. One day I might be in your shoes... or I'll quietly feel this way forever and maybe move on without having to confess. Who knows