Oscillation between two mind sets

[creative_writer]

Afternoon @Shaz51. I tried to get some uni stuff done this morning but I feel like I wasn’t productive, my brain feels rather slow. Feeling better than yesterday, but memories still hurt. Depression and anxiety are still here. At least I’m not having the strong SI I had yesterday anymore. I had to take a PRN, feel like a failure for having to do that. I feel like if I tried harder I wouldn’t need the PRN.

How are you?

[RiverSeal]

It's not a failure to take a PRN @creative_writer as that's what they are there for and you get to take them when you need to. It's great that you have the insight to know when you need to take it! RiverSeal 

[creative_writer]

@RiverSeal, I can’t shake this feeling of being a failure. Sometimes I feel like I try for only my efforts to be washed down the drain. I’ve tried to work on my MH, but I still have rough days. Bipolar can be hard to manage. CPTSD won’t leave either even though it’s been so long since trauma occurred, this sense of brokenness won’t shake off. If I knew what to do and what I needed, I would do it in a heartbeat to bring peace to myself

[RiverSeal]

Yeah, I get that @creative_writer and I lived with similar thoughts for 20 years and until I started working as a Peer Support Worker and created a new career. I have a lot of things that didn't turn out how I expected them to and was really hard to deal with. I have come to realise these are not failures and actually helped me create the person I am today. They were lessons in life and situations I chose to take risks on, and I have learned a lot from them. What do you think about looking at it from this point of view? RiverSeal 

[creative_writer]

@RiverSeal, I do think my experiences will help me empathise with other people if I do go down the line of becoming a MH clinician. Though having said that, it’s still hard. Maybe if I hold on long enough, I’ll reach my career goals and make a difference to other people’s lives. Though, I’ll probably get an opportunity to contribute to something bigger during my second placement this year. I finished placement one at the end of last year, it was research based, but even research has significant implications

[creative_writer]

So I was in the shower and started recalling a dream I had weeks ago and now things feels shit 😔

[creative_writer]

I feel no matter how hard I try I’ll always be less worthy and more damaged than other people

[amber22]

Hey @creative_writer 

I'm here with you. How are you today?

You're not alone right now

[creative_writer]

@amber22 I feel worthless 😔. Can’t convince myself otherwise

[amber22]

You are definitely not useless @creative_writer I am here for you.

What do you have planned for today? Did something trigger you to feel this way?