Riding a wave

[Owlunar]

Hi again @Phoenix_Rising

That strange that your therapist doesn't know why you need to talk about that part of your life - I understand needing to talk about it completely - I just don't know how to respond - maybe she feels like that too - 

But let's see - there was someone you saw as your father-figure who took out restraining orders against you - that seems really harsh - and his problem I think - but I can't know. My mother didn't go that far - she was just nasty and I kept away from her for most of my life-time - why she had to be like that is her problem and now she has gone and left with a lot of regrets

And I would say you need help to move on from how you are feeling - and a lot of other things - I don't know much about these labels we are given or have or whatever - I think it would be hard to be human without some kind of disorder - but do you think you have something like an attachment thing - because you don't remember your father this makes kind men feel as if you could have a father -figure - 

Look - I might be right off the mark here - so feel free to let me know - but I have been trying to understand your post and it seems that is what you need to talk about - and your therapist might be able to help if you could bring it down to a few points - 

I ring Life Line now and again - I have found that thinking about a few points when I ring so I can discuss the main thing really good - I get a lot of help there - so let me know if this is helpful.

It's not a comfortable thing to have in your past that's for sure

When I was seeing a psychiatrist - when my son was alive - I was unnerved when he suddenly told me that was enough - I was in analysis then - I saw him three times a week - but still I didn't like suddenly being told that was it for today - so I asked him to put the clock where we could both see it and I started to wind up when the session was ending 

I live near Port Phillip Bay - I could walk there - I would love too - but I get up late and have chores etc - but I bet that today - which is fine and sunny and mild - it would look pretty much the same as your ocean

Dec

Sending virtual hugs

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Owlunar I very much conceptualise my muddle within the framework of attachment theory. Attachment theory is one of my "special interests" and from my perspective BPD is fundamentally an attachment-related issue.When I started seeing (A), she told me she also frames things within an attachment framework...but it turns out she was just saying that for whatever reason and she is now quite open about the fact that she knows nothing of psychodynamic approaches to therapy (and thus doesn't draw on attachment theory at all in her work).  This is part of the muddle. Anyway, I will keep plodding along with it. Today the sun is shining and all is well, so I'll just keep swimming 

[Owlunar]

I think I understand @Phoenix_Rising

My son is thought to have had BDP and why not - how could an adopted child not feel abandoned when his birth-mother couldn't keep him? - I have been looking into BDP ever since I heard this late last year and it does explain so much of his life

However - from what you have written about attachment issues and your muddle - wow - it makes the ocean seem like a puddle - knowing him and what I have read - I do understand

I'm not a psychologist - just an amateur - interested though - so I really don't think I have heard anyting about psychodynamic approaches to therapy - but I am a little concerned - as a person with an interest and background interest in psychology yourself it must seem a little odd that a therapist would not use a psychodynamic approach - still - that's a new idea for me and one I have to think about

We have had an unusally fine winter in Melbourne - which is great after the gloomy winter we had last year - it does feel better when the weather is great

Keep plodding away there Phoenix - it's good you wrote about your muddle

Dec

[Former-Member]

hello @Phoenix_Rising

I will not write some epic responses like I usually do. I am not qualified to even begin to advise you on what to expect from a therapist or how to know if they will be any good.

I also know that you are far too intelligent; you have written your thoughts down as a form of releasing the pressure just slightly.

I have had therapy for many years with time off for good behaviour so to speak.

Two males out of all the psychiatrists have helped me tremendously. The rest I recognised they werent for me and I stopped seeing them.

My experience of psychotherapy, emotion focus therapy, psychodynamice therapy, all similar to a certain degree, is that regardless of how much information the specialist has of your past, they are there to listen. This takes a lot of trust, determination and questioning on the part of the patient.

A... wants to hear which part of your "muddle" as you call it is affecting you during the present moment. She then works with that. If she is good, she will be guided by you. The less she tries to advise, the better she actually is. You do the work and this is how you benefit more. I have not met her, however from what I have read I think that she will be good for you now. Noone knows about the future.

Up to you though. It is vital in any therapy that the patient feels safe and can trust their therapist. The physical contact that you mentioned is a huge trust factor and you have achieved that.

This is all just my perspective and I might be totally off the mark. I just wanted to let you know that sometimes in therapy we come across brick walls, we dont like the therapist, we ask ourselves why we are bothering. Sometimes this actually means that we are making progress. We are being confronted with thoughts we dont want to know about.

Be gentle with yourself and keep up the yoga adventure. love it.

ps. you have many friends on here even though we might seem imaginary we are real xxxx

[Former-Member]

well not as epic as some of my epics!!

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @Former-Member,

Thanks for taking the time to post. You are correct though that I wrote what I wrote to just get it out. The reality is that I have summarized a twenty year muddle in a few paragraphs so a vast amount has been left unsaid. I neither want nor need anyone to try to "fix" this muddle here on the forum, I just needed to be heard.

I have been extremely clear with (A) about what I want and need. We both recognise that we are a bad match. She was very much hoping that things would go well with therapist-take-eleven so that I could move on from her. Alas, that was not to be. Thus we are both in the situation of knowing that we are not working well together, but that her staying is better than her leaving.

This situation is sooooooo not about me not being willing to "do the work." I am desperate to unmuddle my muddle...but alas I cannot find someone to help me with it.

I appreciate that you recognised you could be off the mark with your post. Thank you for acknowledging that. 

[Phoenix_Rising]

@NikNik are you the @Former-Member watching over the ocean tonight? The ocean is a little rough tonight. NikNik...I'm scared that my muddle is too muddled to de-muddle. It has all been floating around in my brain far too much this afternoon.

Last week therapist-take-eleven told me I was aiming too high having the goal of employment. I spent twelve years at university for the sole purpose of having a career. What exactly am I supposed to do with the rest of my life? How do I create any sort of life worth living?

NikNik can I tell you something? A very VERY long time ago I told someone very important to me that I wanted to achieve something great in my life. She said to me "Phoenix_Rising, if you can learn to live quietly without annoying everyone around you, then for you that will be a great thing." I think about that a lot. Do you think that is all I can ever hope to achieve?

Fred always told me that I could only ever be "contained and managed." Do you think that's true NikNik? I so very very badly want to unmuddle my muddle.

I'm super struggling. I'm so very very glad that I can hang out here in Forum Land. I wish with all my heart that I could connect with someone in the real world, but Forum Land is a pretty good second-best option. Thank you for thinking I'm ok in spite of my muddle...and super big thank you for watching over the ocean.

[CheerBear]

@Phoenix_Rising - I haven't had a chance to be here in forumland much today and am doing a really quick pop past before heading to the shower and off to bed. I wanted to say hello and goodnight to you before I crash in bed, so this is one of those not-posts.

I'm so thankful that we're able to be not-friends, going on adventures together but not, and learning how to be trees in the mud. I often wish that we could hang out in the non-virtual ocean, but like you, am very glad I have this second-best option.

I hope the ocean is calmer tomorrow 🙂

Good night @Phoenix_Rising

[Phoenix_Rising]

@CheerBear I am snuggled in bed and in your pocket. When you said you were doing a pop past I got a funny picture in my brain of a popping care bear. I am super super super glad we are not-friends. Thank you for not thinking I am bad or a freak despite my muddle. I truly don't understand why so many people have gone to such extreme lengths to keep me away from them. I simply do not understand. Thank you for being my not-friend. 😊

[Former-Member]

Thank you @Phoenix_Rising

apologies for my misunderstanding. I hope that I have not upset you further.

can be so difficult trying to express some things with just words. That is all we have here.

take care