Daughter with BPD

[Hopefulhorizons]

Hi, I'm new to this forum, and I hope you can forgive the long post. I'm the mother of a 24 year old daughter who was diagnosed with BPD at 19 and ADHD at 20. She is reasonably independent-she works part time as a carer and is currently living with her brother, who also has ADHD & Asperger's. 

Recently she has been expressing a deep lack of motivation and even a lack of will to keep going day to day. She says she doesn't see any real purpose in life. She has no hobbies, and no amount of encouragement seems to spark interest. Even simple daily tasks feel overwhelmingly difficult for her, sometimes to the where she describes them as physically painful. 

She went through a breakup late last year-a relationship she chose to end-but the emotional fallout was so intense that she came close to taking her life. She feels she can never be alone and immediately seeks a new relationship to avoid that feeling. Her abandonment fears are severe. At the same time, when she is in one of these emotional episodes, she pushes us away completely. Her behaviour becomes irrational and aggressive, and her brother has to move back home with us until she calms down. 

The only thing she seems able to maintain is her job, and even that is because she doesn't want to let down the clients who rely on her. She has so much compassion and insight-her friends constantly come to her for advice-yet she feels completely unable to help herself. She often says she doesn't have the "tools" to cope with life, even the simplest tasks. 

She sees a psychologist regularly, but I'm starting to doubt whether it's helping. She feels stuck and unable to make any changes-whether that's finding a new therapist, changing jobs, studying or even cooking for herself.

I'm terrified that another breakup could push her to a very dark place again. I don't know how to support her or what to say any more. How can I best help navigate these challenges & hang on to my girl?

[hopeful_hannah]

Hello @Hopefulhorizons 💌

I'm hopeful_hannah. I want to give you a warm welcome to the SANE forums.

Thank you for showing up and sharing so openly and honestly about how you are feeling and what's going on with your daughter. That's not always easy to do. 

It can be so hard knowing how to support a loved one when they are experiencing complex mental health challenges. My heart goes out to you as a Mum; I can imagine how you must be feeling.  

There are some fact sheets and guides that might be helpful to have a read through.

I'll post them here:

Families, friends & carers

Borderline personality disorder (BPD)

Is someone you know unwell?

You will find that the forums community are a lovely warm bunch of supportive people who share their experiences, challenges, strategies, triumphs and more. I am sure that others in the community will jump in to say Hello and offer you some support. 

There are spaces and threads you might like to check out since you are new here. Like this one Welcome and getting started - SANE Forums

and Managing relationships - SANE Forums

I can hear that you are worried and stressed. I am sorry to read that. It really is so good that you are reaching out for support. There are some numbers I will share in case you feel like talking someone:

Beyond Blue
24/7 support for depression, anxiety and suicide.

Brief counselling sessions via phone or webchat.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/

Phone - Call 1300 22 4636

Chat - Visit https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor/chat

Lifeline

Lifeline provides free, 24/7 telephone crisis support
Phone - Call 13 11 14

Chat – Visit

https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-chat/

SANE offers one on one support through the Recovery Club. You might like to check that out as well. Registration and access are fast and free. Your daughter might be interested too?

RecoveryClub is a free, 6-month digital program that offers evidence-based recovery resources, 1:1 support, online groups, and peer support connections to help you build confidence and develop practical skills for your wellbeing and recovery

Here is the link: Welcome to SANE’s Recovery Club

Maybe check out some of the links I shared and see if any of that info helps. I'm sure others will jump in soon as well. 

You're not alone. 

Sending you all my best...

hopeful_hannah 💌

[Hopefulhorizons]

Thankyou so much @hopeful_hannah. I will definitely read up on all the guides and links you provided.