Hi @utopia
Thank you for your wonderful support and understanding and continuing to shine. I get it nothing is OK sometimes. You are off to the mountains, I am in a dingy lost at sea. I have tried to discuss the horrible words from my husband although - he acknowledges that he is fearful again, he did finally apologise. I do get that it is a year since I got to hover on the brink.
Hold onto this to please Utopia - your support is invaluable to me at the moment. The shine is like a life thread and needed in this world. Others such as your mum and services have no comprehension - we are required to experience it to fully understand. I have had only one sensitive client interpret how horribly depressed and afraid I feel, I simply said to her the reality. No one has the right to judge or interpret without personal experience - our sessions are now increasingly beneficial.
I do question AD's however I have been on such a high dose for so long, I am uncertain that it really helps. To be fair though, when I have run low and stretched out and lowered the dosage I certainly feel worse. It is just horrible to introduce and contend with the SE's. My GP, whenever I say no more, says stick with it it is probably running in the background.
Today he did the best he could for me - the IME report is inaccessible to me - he did dislose that I am unable to return to that workplace and unlikely to be able to ever work again. PTSD+++
It is ironic that I have continued to build my private therapy practice throughout all of this - it kept me from upending the boat and drowning. The practice kept me able to contend with all of the discrimination, unfounded accusations and ultimate psycholoical injuries incorporating verbal abuse at my delightful PH workplace throughout 5 months. I surrendered on May 23 - tears that I couldn't stop.
For you Utopia - I know from your wonderful posts that emotional expression has now occurred. Cry when you need to, just allow yourself to be. The hurting with MD is a clear signal to be kind to yourself, just learn to be the new you again.
Regards and many thoughts Bastless
