My Hospital Stay

[utopia]

@Former-Member. No room for my big body and another body in a single bed. And the hospital will probably frown on me pushing one of the older patients onto the floor.
That's better @soul. Imagine how many stamps it would take to cover an entire bed. And at $1 each stamp - that's an expensive parcel delivery.
I like the Cocky walking. I'm hoping after 3 weeks of walking and using the stairs, that my middle isn't as round.
@Zoe7. WorkCover contacted my new psychiatrist today and confirmed an additional 21 day stay (otherwise I'd be leaving here this Friday morning).

[Bast]

@utopia@Former-Member

Hi Utopia

Thank you for being you. I am hearing your words so deeply - what is the point. And yet you have given me so much through your kindness and empathy about my huge loss of Bast. The pain and the grief are still so raw. Your words have helped indecribably. I get this I want to give up and have started self harming again as a way to ease the emotional pain. The husband has again told me this is intolerable for him.We are about to adopt a rescue Bengal - not a replacement for Bast ever. Odin needs a home - I can only justify the adoption because of this. Amongst the hardest words tumbling in my mind are the current statement "How do you expect to look after a cat when you can't even look after yourself." This so hurts. I know that he is afraid of another si incident, it is so damaging for me.

Fair enough, I just have not been able to fathom how he found out, the shame makes me hide this. I am also trying to cope with the nastiness of workcover, it is a lot like dealing with the ultimate beuracray and denial I think. They acknowledge the claim and then want more and more evidence and more evidence in order to be helped. from there the demand is high to commit to re-engaging with the place and the people that caused the damage.I simply cannot do that. I struggle with the documentation, visit the GP for more as requested and the never before experienced panic will destroy me for 3 + days as a result. Yep and then it gets so bad - self harming takes over. 

Our adoptee is from the Aus Bengal Rescue society - beautiful people. I am anxious and worried that it wil not work out - and I have personalised the husband's comments - I am not competent. Perhaps he is right - however a very valuable life needs love, Utopia thank you for your kindness and support. I hope you can feel the shine of my admiration for you.

Regards Bastless and so afraid

[utopia]

@Bast. Of course you can look after thin new cat. Odin needs love. You can give that. Odin needs protection. You can give that. Odin needs warmth, a bed, food, routine, security. You can give all that.
Taking on another animal that desperately needs a home - that is not replacing Bast - that is not what is happening. You had space in your heart and life for Bast. You will make space in your heart for Odin. It won't take away the pain and grief of loosing Bast. But Odin will fill another part of your life. And I think it's beautiful that you are willing to give a cat a much needed home.
Ignore that voice that says you can't manage. It's wrong.
You CAN do it.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Bast - sorry for your loss. I lost one of my cats last year and it really broke my heart as she was only young. All my animals are rescue animals - it's a good and kind thing you are doing and cats aren't all that high-maintenance. As long as they are kept inside with a litter tray and food and a warm bed they are happy. If it doesn't work out someone else will take him/her. I'd love another cat. I don't think your husband's comment is very supportive. People self-harm for a number of reasons = anger, frustration, self-hate / punishment. Don't be so hard on yourself - it's nothing to be ashamed of. My psychiatrist tells me that one in ten people do it. Your husband's comments are probably from ignorance, people who don't go through SH and SI can't understand it. Someone I know described trying to explain severe depression to a non-sufferer as like trying to describe colours to a blind man. At least you're among supporters and empathisers here. I can relate to the workplace - after everything I've been through over the last eight months I'd settle for an apology but that would be an admission of guilt and they don't want to admit that despite evidence. Get yourself a good advocate or lawyer and it makes the process a lot easier. Don't be so hard on yourself and take care - you can get through this.

[utopia]

Rang my lawyers yesterday to ask when conciliation for reinstatement of WorkCover would be. He rang me back this morning. They don't know. They haven't received a date. I said have you called them. He said no, but I can ring them myself. I rang ACCC and they said they will be in my area of country Victoria on the 14th & 15th of September and my name is at the top of the list. What?????
My mortgage is on hold - under financial hardship - & that end on the 31st of August. The day after I'm expected to pay back the 'on hold' missed monthly repayments. I can't do that.
Why do they have to make everything so hard? Keep kicking me when I'm down. No worries or hurry for them. They are not trying to live on Newstart Allowance. They are not fighting to breathe. How hard it can be to draw each breath.
So angry. Keep being promised a bed - a proper bed here in hospital - one that doesn't have a foam mattress - where your body sinks & then you can't roll over.
The nurses told me they could move me to a new room in a new unit/ward. I went up, had a look at the room (made sure it was a proper bed) & said yes please I'll take it.
I go downstairs to my unit and say yes I'll take it, please ring the nurse upstairs to confirm me moving. They said the nurse that can do that is at lunch but when she comes back, she will do it.
So I go to my room and pack my bags again. Take down my art work from the walls, etc. I'm ready. Walk pass the nurses station and they ring the other unit to confirm I'll take the room. Nurse comes back and says - they gave the room to someone else. What?
Trying not to hit anyone or scream the place down. So bloody angry.

[soul]

Ohhhhh @utopia. Hope things get sorted for you soon. It can't be helping your state of mind.

[Former-Member]

Oh @utopia I'm sorry to hear about this. Let it out. Give us your online scream! AHHHHHH! Getting it out in a different way.

I'm glad you have the forums here to share this with. Fingers and toes crossed for you that things become to feel more managable soon.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Let's hope that gets you into an even better room @utopia ...... !!

Sheesh ......

[utopia]

Haven't read previous posts. Came back from a group session in tears. My negative self talk is so high today. Walked in my room and they have taken out the 'hospital' bed and put in a new bed. The type in most rooms. So I cried again and laid down on it. 1 minute later my psych comes in. More crying and 'pity me'. He gave me a prn calmer.
Had a smoke. Unpacked my comfort dressing gown and have crawled into bed.
Going to sleep away this mood. Very sore. Veey tired.
Going to slee

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hugs @utopia ..... nighty-night ..... 💜😴💕