two minds within

[Wennie]

Two minds within

When in my mind you did arrive

i was only four years old

I was at kinder eating cupcakes

And in a voice so bold

“Quick eat the spare one”

By you I was told

I looked around and couldn’t see

Where the voice had come from

But again you prompted me

But alas a person you could not be

You said your name was Michael

I thought you an imaginary friend

But in my little mind

bad voices you would send

you were with me through my childhood

and in my teenage and adult years

you would chatter in mind

and feed upon my fears

I don’t know where you come from

But you are not nice to me

In my mind sometimes you talk

But you I do not see

Sometimes you tell me to hurt myself

And it would cause me so much pain

I don’t understand it

As I don’t know what pleasure you do gain

I have been in and out of psychiatric hospitals

With a team full of dedication

And to help alleviate you Michael

I am on anti psychotic medication

Sometimes you do come and visit my mind

In the quiet of the dawn

But I do try and ignore you

So you do not stir up a storm

I do try and stop your presence

In my fragile mind

But I do hold on to hope

That one day you would be kind

I do try and fight you

So I don’t commit a mortal sin

But sometimes I do wonder in fact

Why I have two minds within

[MindfulMango]

Hey there @Wennie,

It sounds like this might be a poem talking about your experience with your mental health struggles, is that right? You've done so well to encapsulate what it has been like for you to live with these thoughs 💭

You've shown great strength to share this vulnerable side of you to the SANE community, and it sounds like you're also doing your best to fight off "Michael" I can see you trying to make sense of the situation, while also holding on to hope that perhaps someday, "Michael" will no longer be around to visit you.

It sounds like "Michael" comes to visit late at night. I wonder if tonight is one of those nights? and if it is, it would be great if you can let us (the SANE community) know if you're safe.

I know you've shared having a whole team that supports you, but I also want to share that it's okay to reach out a hotline when these thoughts visit, especially when it's the middle of the night. Beyond Blue, Lifeline, and SuicideCallBack are always available 24/7 if need extra support 🌼

I hope you're giving yourself the extra kindness and compassion that you deserve tonight!

[Wennie]

Good morning MindfulMango

Thank you for your reply to two minds within and yes I have been safe tonight

When I write about Michael I do it figuratively as he is not a person but rather my “voice” I have when I experience auditory hallucinations and  he is present more in the quite of the early mornings rather than during day.

Michael has been with me since I was 4 years old and though I don’t have memories of it the therapists I have seen over the years think he might stem from some type of trauma I went through at that young age.

Why I have Michael as a voice is certainly a mystery and over the years I have learnt to cope with his presence in my mind

Thank you again

Cheers