wrong diagnosis

[youngkisses]

Hey so im new here. I was told i have bipolar 1 disorder but i dont feel i have the right diagnosis. My mood swings shift in minutes from angry and happy or desperate in 1 day. I am very reactive to everything. Im impulsive online and i spend money alot. I was told i have emotional instability but than told i have bipolar 1 because the psych thinks i have mania. i wanted to apply for a strip club a couple months ago and i lost interest and never turned up to the job even though i applied. my psych told me its bipolar but i dont think i get episodes of depression or mania. i also am extremely insecure with my self and my face and body as a teenager .  I also dropped out of skl almost 3 years ago when i was 16 . I constantly feel im not anything in this world like in the past i used to feel like i dont deserve things. everday i feel not  happy or motivated but soemtimes i do things to make myslef feel better.

few months ago and last year I was in a pretty good mood and i message alot of men at once to make myself feel good. I immediately felt happy and beautiful and started listening to music. I used to get, not anymore, i dont feel like doing that i feel way too bad about myself for that and im totally unmotivated.

I know everyone thinks i have mania but i dont feel it is. My mood depends on what like affects me or who im thinking about or who messages me. everyone tells me i shouldnt be messaging bunch of strangers to validate me to make me happy because i feel so nothing i dont see a future and i try to prove im a real person that i do exist to myself and that im beautiful . It can happen randomly but often  to compliments / sexual or romantic attention. when guys online block me or leave me online i feel like it is cold and stormy and i do anything for them to not leave me.

i rlly feel i dont have bipolar for some weird reason.  i feel my symptoms are smt i googled called bpd. idk alot abt it but i feel many symtoms i get r that. i am not sure but my psychologist doesnt say bcs i am still diagnsoed with bipolar and i have been disgnsoed for 2 months now. i rlly dont care abt labels its just i dont feel heard and i feel invalidated alot with myself bcs i definilty dont get the bipolar depression or manic epsiodes. i see my psych in 3 weeks so im going to ask her abt bpd to understand if i do have that.

i also wanted to say i have a bad  relationship with one of my family members i avoid them and i think they r a horrible person when they say smt to me but  sometimes i feel bad and guilty and i blame myself and start crying like it is all or nothing. idk but is this what bipolar 1 is like?? Or is anyone on here diagnsoed with bipolar 1 or know abt bpd that can understand my life where im coming from .

i also was told i have adhd/rsd and i also have rlly bad social anxiety in the past and severe anxiety. when i get bad anxiety my hands start shaking and it happened again today in my session with my pychologist i was so nervous and i used to get this everday at skl

[DogMan79]

Hi @youngkisses 

I don't suffer either of the disorders which you mention

But BPD has a huge stigma attached. Including in the healthcare system. Having that on your file can sometimes lead to decades of professionals including psychologists and psychiatrists treating you badly or unfairly. It really has a huge stigma

All of the Cluster B disorders do carry unfair stigma

[Mr_Be]

I want to just quickly validate what you're feeling. You're not at all wrong to want answers that 'feel more right'.

The best thing I could say for you is to get multiple opinions if you can. As someone who been through alot of therapists, I find alot of them tend to put cases into the 'too hard basket' and just move on to drugs. 

If you feel something is off or wrong with your diagnosis, definitely seek extra support. But remember to be open to the idea that you yourself are not a licenced psychotherapist. If you get to a point where multiple actual doctors (not counsellors - important distinction) are all telling you the same thing, then maybe it's worth considering they might know what they're talking about. 

It can be very difficult accepting our own perceived 'faults', but its important to remember you will get what you pay for. Not all treatment is equal. If you're looking for real answers instead of symptom management, it may be worth the investment to seek adequate medical care, even if that means looking into something like private healthcare. 

In saying that, not everyone can afford the best treatment. At worst, symptom management can be hugely beneficial too. At least to get you to a point where your life is stable enough to get you into a position to start thinking about higher levels of treatment. 

One step at a time. If you need to take baby steps to get yourself under reasonable control, do that first. Something is better than nothing. 

I do look forward to updates, please do keep in touch.