Hey
@eudemonismI agree with all that the others have said.
I also think that in my own experience the best marker of progress is distinguishing the difference between the past and the present.
I was never a fan of who I was as a younger adult. Around the age of 17 and 18 I was very angsty and also just a mental health basket case. I found that the more I hated this however, the angrier I got. The more self hate I had for myself from the past led to resent. I started thinking that "if only" I had done certain things differently it would've been better now.
I started to think that had I worked harder I'm high school I could've gone to college in the US or here in Aus and not be a loser. I started having fantasies/selective memory about how things could be much better now. If only I had changed things then I'd be cooler, better looking, rich, getting laid all the time, better career prospects. It started in my second last year of uni. I started thinking these things. That life would be better had I given more effort.
The issue with such a view was that I neglected the undiagnosed mental health conditions. I also assumed too much of me with the benefit of hindsight. Two critical errors on my part.
My views on myself improve dramatically in the past year because I knew that the only way to improve was to take control of my own life in the best method possible.
I think I have done this and in doing so I have forgotten much of the resent I had from the past. There were multiple figures from my past that I trusted too much with things that don't need to be spoken about.
The best thing I did was get help for my MH. That is not a regret I have.
Though it meant dealing with things from the past. I have processed it and have come through that jungle.
Eude my man, it is not uncommon to hold resent. Indeed I believe it is just part of the human experience. We can move past these things and burdens.
Never doubt your worth my friend. You are a good man
