Coming to terms with reality

[eudemonism]

Sorry! Im thinking i turned everyone off of replying. Due to my outbursts of "nonsense " definitely didn't mean too. But i understand why it would happen...

[Fancy_Pants]

hi @eudemonism

I just wanted to say briefly that i doubt very much that you have put anyone off relying by discussing your own experiences and views (which are not harming or telling off anyone except the system) as that is what these forums are here for

it is true that sometimes members may not know how to reply to help, perhaps you can say something about what would help? ie if others feel the same or different or if they have found any therapeutic program that works? etc

but also please understand that many members function moment to moment as that is enormous for them right now, many members have dependants and many have personal crisis so please dont see it as a reflection on you it is just the space people are in sometimes 

i hope you keep posting and seeking support 

[Former-Member]

hello @eudemonism

I am not logged in on here all of the time

You haven't turned anyone on here off in the least.....all just busy dealing with stuff no doubt

awful when you don't feel comfortable with mental health specialists helping you

have you ever telephoned mens helpline  ph no: 1300 987 978 ... ? they might be able to help you with contact information in your state for mental health services complaints..it is important that you are able to give feedback about how you are feeling. You might want to talk about this with the helpline. I am sure you wont be the first or only person feeling this way.

Will be back in contact when I can

take care my friend....you are important to us all here

[Sans911]

@eudemonism Hi there I haven't seen you around the forums. I'm sorry if you feel no one responds to you; I'd like to offer my reasons and I know others are the same. Some days there are many, many threads going on in the forums, and it can be really hard to keep up with ever changing as well as dealing with our MI issues. So sometimes we develop 'relationships' or connection with certain members and it's those we may follow more often than others. It doesn't mean your less important or don't have something valid to say. I've started my own threads at times too, and they've kinda puttered out, so I tend to follow established ones. Stick around here, this is a good place, lots of support, some fun times too. See you around.

[Appleblossom]

@eudemonism

The stuff you have shared is powerful and resonates with me on a LOT of levels that might take many posts to work through. 

Your desires for positive life were really clear and beautiful and I feel for you and would never underestimate the truth of what you posted. I am upset by chemical straight jackets and I have seen the white cloth ones they put on my sister. Did my father get put in them. I dont know, but her was over medicated when he died of pleurisy.

I am currently dealing with 1) personal and 2) carer for my son crisis.  So my brevity or delay was nothing related to your posting.

Lately I am researching digust sesitivity and why I am so weird.  Ie getting blood tests is comforting for me as I can think and imagine the "happy place" of heroin and calm down.  So I am opposite of the loverly ladies who carry on like twits about getting a needle. MInd you it is nearly 40 years ago.

I know thats kinda sick in a way.  That the kindest thing that happened to me in late teens was someone tying a torniquet around my arm. I managed to do Buddhist metta or "loving kindness mediatations based on the calm of an opiate high.

In some ways I did the right things and got off it and encouraged hubby to get clean but still am struggling big time 35 years later.  I did the work, got the degrees, got a house and stuff and clothes and hang out now with people with lots of initials after their names and they are decent people, but I still want to end it all, but feel I cant cos of the ripple effects of suicide.

Sometimes if I talk too straight I worry I am too direct and abrupt.  I grew up in housing commission and thought it was great cos even tho I had my head kicked in. it was better than orphanages or hanging around Kings Cross as a kid cos there even the kids get bitter and twisted and tried to ra pe me.  Actually a girl and a group of boys so thats part of why I am gender neutral and like that stuff from Jung. I dont see the world as a battle of the sexes as men and women have more in common than different.

Your posts might help others on the depot journey. @eudemonism  I try and put in humour, but its usually reely dumb Sorry there are many parts to me.  SO it might be good that I dont post all the time.

Hope you have decent day. 

I like a lot of what you say @Adek and we have a sciencey and religious bent in common.

but I question the "personal choice" comment.  In the world I have lived in personal choice is like income and assets ... very unevenly distributed.  We dont wanna get into Pareto Distributions or Lorenz curve arguments   .... etc etc ...

I can get VERY upset when personal choice is preached at me.  It often means that the preacher had lots more room for personal choice than I did or the people whose lives I have witnessed. In inner city crowded housing one gets a good idea of what is going down behind closed doors cos one can hear through the walls.  So I dont just mean family or relatives or me personally etc. Also being in group homes one develops a sense of family as the whole human family.... which fits in with churchy ideas too. Also I have a major in social science.

But I still like much of your posts.

[eudemonism]

@Fancy_Pants @Adek @Former-Member @Sans911 and @Appleblossom thank you all for your replies and input. Its a great distraction and intellectual stimulation for me too read through all of your writings. A safe have from the world around me.

And others who are on this thread hello again. Please contribute whatever you like. Whenever you like and however you like. And i will read it.

Its hard for me to givea personalised response to all the replies. You know. Like. Be understanding. Accepting. Compassionate. Kind. Empathetic and all these sorts of traits. I will say it is good to recieve and send writing. For a therapeutic purpose.

I get overwhelmed and disappointed with the way im feeling. And tend to blame medication or some other substances. Or some other person for this. (Beat myself uo type of thing ) and be left feeling rather upset and miserable. And unable to decide whats best for me and follow through with it. Usually because of lack of discernment and motivation.

Any way. Gonna make the next move for myself and get out and about. And go visit my parents. Got an inkling its time to sweep the floors. Sort the washing out. Make the bed. Clean the kitchen. Prepare for a walk this afternoon. And do some reading and meditate on the message.

I seek and yearn for human connection. On a daily basis. And when its found and received. All is well. But when there is a perceived threat of the opposite happening to me. Whether in my mind. On the Internet. Or in real life. It really hurts. Or perhaps its turning toxic. I become anxious about all of it.

Have a good day my friends.

[Adek]

".......I believe..the system is a choice. Nobody is introduced into it by force. Even so..its still just an option..and not an ultimate answer to illness......"

Don't worry about it @Appleblossom..cuz i don't think i even talked about 'personal' choice👆..but rather it was more of options and alternatives. And the 'system' i was referring to is medical institution..not the broader spectrum you might have in mind.,😘

Cheers and have a nice weekend everyone👋👋👋

[Appleblossom]

Except I have seen a lot of people not have choice SERIOUSLY NOT have choice.

1) being under age eg 6 and overpowered by a couple of adults.

2) seeing police manhandle my loved ones ...5-1 ... my brother and my sister ... for their own good .... the stats are not looking good.

3) seeing padded rooms and feeling leather ties on my wrists.

For me the choice word is problematic and needs careful use otherwise it can be insulting.

I am now "choosing" to take meds I do not want. SO it is actually a limited choice.

I see the chemical path as @eudemonism has described as not the best.

Today is a mess for me .... both son and I are distressed and without sleep ... he is still playing piano ...I wont take too much extra as I need to cope.

I will try and do low energy things but concentration is poor and I am still agitated. when things are quiet I might try and sing.  I often feel I cant clean as that disturbs him. Its not his fault, the father and grandfather put that in my head and the kids' heads....

Glad you are making positive choices. @eudemonism and @Adek and @Sans911

[Adek]

Frankly..we all have our own issues, dark histories, being abused not forgetting hopes and expectations for the younger generation. I prefer not to talk much about my childhood dark experiences actually...except what i think will impose positive values which can be shared with everyone..cuz we are all diagnosed with MI for many reasons that corellate with one another...despite the different names they term it with.

After a longer journey... perhaps you will understand what i was trying to convey especially with many people from ancestors and descendants diagnosed with bipolar 1 & 2 and 46 yrs and counting...living around it @ Appleblossom. I guess...its just natural for me to gather infos from history..and try my best to opt...rather than blaming the system and my lineage..abuser and surrounding. Not judging anyone..but i hope we can agree not to disagree..