Some reassurance or some judgement is needed to help clear my head

[Kindaemotional]

Hi guys- new to this site. But not new to bpd. Ive been discovering and "fixing" a lot with it lately. And noticing things about me. And trying to fix them.

However sometimes some things get a bit overwhelming 

My bf of 2yrs and I had a big fight a few weeks ago

It lead to lots of things being said between us. One comment my bf made was that I have a bad habbit of bringing things up later and not addressing them on the spot. I brew on them and let it eat at me.

Which, yeah I do. I dont do it for bad reasons. Like to plan a fight etc. I do it because Im not sure if my feelings are valid. Or if they are right. If Im over reacting etc. So I like to think about it for abit. But he's right. Ive started bringing things up on the spot lately. Which Im impressed Ive been able to do as I hate confrontion hugely.

Here we are now...I just want advice with what Im feeling is ok and fair or am I being to clingy and pushy etc.

My bf and I used to spend at least 3+days a week together. He lives 2hrs away and I travel to him as he allergic to cats.

Even on his work days. He gets up, goes to work and I get up and either stay or go home.

This was our relationship for over 18mths. 

However its slowly gotten less and less. Since April. Ive seen him 4x

When I asked to stay the night monday. He said I cant because of work.

This made me question- weve done it before because of work?

Ive asked him twice if we can do something next week together and hes replied one of the time which was "dont we have a bbq with your friends the next week"

This makes me feel...oh i see you the week later. Why do I need to see you before hand.

Some of these reasons are fair. Eg he goes hunting and cuts up the meat and stuff. And I hate animal hunting. Hes going out a bit this week doing it. So I get it. But hes gone hunting before and just told me to stay inside while he deals with the stuff. Why has it changed. 

All the change atm probably has fair reasons to it. 

But in my head its coming across as he doesnt want to be around me and is sick of me. 

Any assurance, judgement and advice on dealing with this would be great. Even ideas on how to tell him this is how I feel. Without rambling on.

(Hes dyslexic and something else to do with struggling to put words to pictures etc so text is hard)

[tyme]

Hey @Kindaemotional ,

Welcome to the forums. I'm hearing how difficult interpersonal relationships can be and there are some things our minds just don't 'get'. Why I'm saying this is because I have BPD too and it's challenging at the best of times.

Clear communication is definitely key to making things work. Whilst he may want you to tackle things straight away, for a borderline, it's not that easy. When things are heated, works and actions often come out 'wrong'. I agree that it's probably a better choice to bring things up when both are calm. That is, strike while the iron is cold - not hot.

If you feel able, and both feel up to it, it's probably good to talk about what's been happening. Firstly, ask if he wants to talk about it. If not, then it's probably not the best time. Once you've established it's a good time, then you can let him know how you have been feeling - not to point the finger, but you let him know that you have a few questions and want to clarify a few things...

See where that takes you.

All the best. 

BPD can be challenging, but it's very treatable and you CAN recover from it.

[tyme]

Hey @Kindaemotional ,

Not sure if you would be interested in this thread from today Support for JAT 

[Glisten]

👋🏼 @Kindaemotional  my psychologist asked me:

“What does he bring to the relationship?”

”Does he inspire you?”

G