I can’t cope

[Captain24]

Hey @tyme 

How are you? How’s the shingles? Did you get to the wedding? 

Ive not long gotten home. 

Im doing kinda ok. Im trying this self regulation shit. I struggled on the way home this morning but I have been doing the 5 senses and breathing. I haven’t been as stupid in the road so I guess that’s something. 

Work was a bit of a challenge but the shift is over now. Hopefully tonight I’m away from the dozer driver that is humiliating me.

Ill pop on before work if I have time. 

[Jynx]

OMG @Captain24 I do totally know and have totally stepped on those!! Ach geez your poor foot! Yeah nah if there's a whole bunch of nasty pointy bits like those around I don't brave the barefoot anymore!! 

Heck yes, nice one!! You put energy towards your coping tools during a heightened emotional experience - even if they didn't feel like they worked, it still would have made some small difference, AND is continued practicing of the skill, which is that much harder to do when we're overwhelmed! So proud of you 😁 And I really hope this means some changes in your workplace?!! Maybe?!

Ahahaha well if anyone was ever so heartless to lock you up for skipping, don't you worry I will summon a band of misfits together to bust you out!! Heist style 😎

And trust me darlin, I have worked really REALLY hard to be this carefree - it's not just 'how I am', it's a state of mind accessible to anyone!!  😉

Ach, I hope you get time? Cos I will actually be away next Mon-Tues, not sure I mentioned? It's super last minute, I'm flying up to NSW to stay with fam and my mum n sister got maaaad salty at me when I said I would be working half the time I'm up there 😅 

[Captain24]

My foot itched for hours @Jynx It was inside so o don’t know where it come from as I don’t have any in my yard. 

It’s the victim that’s getting in to trouble. Hopefully we can spin it around so the perpetrator gets the blame. But as with all bullies the perpetrator made it look like she was getting bullied. I hate it and it’s just not fair. Just have to see what happens tonight. 

To be so care free would be so good but I don’t think I can remove those voices in my head. I’m glad the hard work got you to where you are. 

OH no… I’ll miss you. We haven’t had much time this week with my work getting in the way. Thank you for the heads up though. I really do appreciate it. 

I hope you have a good time with your fam. Are you going in your own? 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 oh yowza!! Maybe one of the dogs brought it in dangling off fur or something!! 

Oh what?! That's awful!! Yes fingers crossed that the truth prevails!! That poor person. Glad that you are gonna try to spin it! 

You can! The voices aren't you after all. You are the awareness that observes the voices, and in time, you can learn to ignore them. Cos like lemme tell you - I do still have nasty thoughts popping up in brain, they didn't totally go away. I just respond to them differently now, and they have less hold over me - i.e. they don't linger anymore. So have hope!! You will get there. 

I knoooowwww and it's been busy busy too, so I can't reply quite so quickly! We will get our time for epic chats tho don't you worry 😉

Actually... taking partner up w me.... first time for them meeting my family, and first time for me introducing a partner to family... eep!

[Captain24]

I’m just about to go into work so I won’t have my phone. @Jynx 

all I can hope for is one day. I don’t know how to stop that voice that gives me no confidence. 

It has been busy. Hopefully when you get back we can catch up properly. 

Oh.. good luck with introducing them. I hope it goes well and they are weep received. 

Enjoy your self… 

See you Wednesday! 

[Jynx]

Shhhhh I'm not actually here @Captain24 

Hahaha I saved responding to you till last since I figured you wouldn't see it till later anyway. Now I'm here illegally! 😲

Haha nah I joke, I've clocked off, I'm just bein silly. 

Maybe it's not about stopping the voice, maybe it's about teaching the voice different ways of interacting. Or maybe it's about being able to respond to the voice in a more empowered way... Can talk about it more when I'm back if you like! 

Hopefully I come back with funny stories and not sad ones ahaha. Till Wednesday!! 😋💜

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ,

Yes, I went to part of the wedding. It was painful to sit...and sit.. and sit. I couldn't move from the seat or move while in the seat because my clothes would touch my skin! At least it's over. My skin is still very very sensitive.

Hope work is okay for you. Show them your assertiveness! About time people were put in their places!

As for the itchy itchy foot you had, it sounds so ouch! How annoying!

Anyway, please know I'm thinking of you and hope you are okay.

Good night.

[Captain24]

Thanks for staying for me! I feel special @Jynx 

At the moment I can’t see that confidence voice changing. But I guess if I ever recover it may. Just have to hope. 

You'll have to tell me the good, the bad and the ugly. I’m open for it all. Even stuff you can’t tell me 😜 

I hope you are having a good time. 

[Captain24]

I’m glad you got to go to some of it even though it was painful @tyme. Do you still have blisters? I have fairly sensitive skin but can’t imagine what you are going through. 

I cried. I told my boss how I felt humiliated, intimidated and bullied. Her turned it all around on me. He tried to make me back down by saying he can pull 2 way recordings. He told me he would talk to her but she is just going to say it’s all my fault and he will believe her. So I’ve opened a can of worms that are all going to fall on me. It’s going to make things so much worse. 

Im not really ok. I let it all get to me last night. I’ve done a lot of crying. Im about to go to bed and hopefully cry myself to sleep.

Talk this afternoon 

[tyme]

Awwww @Captain24 ,

Firstly, I'm sorry things were so rough at work yesterday, but to be honest, way to go that you stood up for yourself and spoke up.

Whilst, it hurts, look at this as a step forward in your recovery. Well done. 

I'm here if you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to cheer you on.

Hugs