Hi
@Phoenix_Rising and anyone who may be passing by.
Guess what I did this morning? I had an ultra hard conversation with my psych about diagnoses, and one in particular that I have huge feelings about because of the way people who are diagnosed with this one (which once included me) can be treated because of the stigma it carries. I had a big spill about what it felt like to me to have that label mean that incredibly important things (violence) were being overlooked and dismissed. And then I touched on what happened behind closed doors because of it all and how much of a big mistake it was not to hear the teeny tiny little voice I had back then that was trying so hard to say "please stop looking at what's wrong with me and please start noticing what's happening to me". I said that I really hope and believe that things have changed now and if I was in that situation today it would have been picked up. Psych agreed with it because "domestic violence is core business" (huuuuge face-palm about that being what violence means to my psych :S but their intentions were good I'm sure) and then they said that they heard me and they acknowledged that what I went through was not ok and that no amount of understanding that things are different now, can take it back.
Psych tried to frame diagnosis as "a tool for clinicians to help understand each other". I spoke about how important it is that those tools are used in a way that is helpful for the people at the centre of it all - the clients and 'patients'. And then I went one further and vented all about how much damage can happen when tools are in the hands of people who misuse them as mechanisms of control, and give even more power to people who already hold power over vulnerable people.
So I might not have changed the entire world today Phoenix_Rising, but I am confident that my psych (who works everywhere) listens and takes on these words, and that in some tiny way I may have planted another tiny seed that may make a difference somewhere, somehow.
We have a plan to give myself three weeks of settling back into a routine and to rest and do what feels good, to see if that can help settle the struggle I am having with things at the moment. If it doesn't help (which we both think it will) a break place stay is likely to be the next step. My new PRN is also now not a PRN as it's a take regularly for the next couple of weeks med, with the hope that it will stop my body from tricking my brain into thinking that we need to panic, run and escape right this second.
Big giant breath. It's been a teary but rewarding day so far, that I really wanted to share because it feels like a little bit of a step in the right direction again.
Wondering how many of you are getting on, and really looking forward to being able to wander a bit further around the forum than I have been this last little bit - hopefully life (and my head) will allow that soon
🙂
