Lived Experience Forum

[Ugly_Trout]

hey @AussieRecharger I know that new super highways can be created in the brain to create new neurosis networks. That belief has proven itself since I no longer drink. New pathways. I'll explore it some more as I haven't thought its something you can do. I thought it just happened through blood, sweat and tears. Just determination not to drink again. Maybe I haven't really learnt in a positive way that giving up alcohol involved a whole lot of grief and shame. Maybe I am holding onto unhelpful thinking patterns subconsciously. And conciously there creating all the feelings I have? I'll check out the link. Thanks 

[Ugly_Trout]

@Former-Member Thanks. I have a long way to go yet. But the supports I'm getting are good. I think I was screaming silently so loudly that my mental health nurse has gone above and beyond to set some things up. It gives me a bit of hope to hear someone say they got through the paranoia. thanks

[Gwynn]

Hey @Ugly_Trout , congratulations on your journey of sobriety thus far.  In terms of feeling like everyone's laughing at you, I try to remember when I get thoughts like that that everyone's the hero of their own story - think of how often you think about your acquaintances' porn searches - I bet it's fairly close to never!  So I assume that as I don't often think about laughing at others' peccadilloes, others don't often think of laughing at mine.  I also like to practice metta/loving-kindness meditations, which increases my compassion towards myself and other people.  If you'd like to try it, there's a good starter one here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM&ab_channel=UNHHealth%26Wellness

[Ugly_Trout]

Thanks @Gwynn I'll check it out. I can get so tied up in my thoughts that other things go out the window. Mostly everything. So I'm willing to try anything at all. I ground myself with breathing but it can feel like a losing battle. I know I need to let go of my thoughts but they overwhelm me. So I'll give it a go. cheers 

[Gwynn]

Hey, @Ugly_Trout, it helps if you can try to practice when you're calm, too. If you think it'd help, you could put a reminder in your diary. I like to read Mindful magazine (https://www.mindful.org, also available through your local library's Overdrive app) because it gives me lots of new ideas about mindfulness and meditation to try, and there's some good information in there about how it all works. Probably the meditation that I do the most is UCLA's Body Scan for Sleep (https://www.uclahealth.org/marc/mindful-meditations#english), haha.

If you find that one type of meditation is difficult, you may like to try another, or try again on another day. You've already made great strides for your mental health by being sober for five years, so please don't feel like the grounding stuff is a losing battle. Every drink that you haven't drunk is doing you good, and every time you try the grounding stuff, you're learning to help yourself.

It has taken time for you to wear this path into your brain, it will take time for the grass to grow over this path and for you to wear another path into your brain. Don't forget to be kind to yourself in the process of unlearning and relearning how to be. 🙂

[Ugly_Trout]

thanks @Gwynn @Former-Member @AussieRecharger @flybluebird I think I've gotten some good advice on here. Gwynn, thanks for the sober support, there are times where I question who I gave up drinking for. Like, was it just to please everyone around me? Then I remind myself that I made the decision because I realised I was slowly committing suicide drinking 24/7. And that I wanted to live. That may not always be the happiest of choices at times, but from all of you I have gotten that it's all in my mind, and if it's not, there's tools I can use to combat my thoughts. I'm hoping that I can put them into action.