Night night 
I am struggling a little tonight. For some reason I feel more alone than normal. I am seeing my turtle whisperer tomorrow morning. I superly duperly hope she can help me unmuddle my muddle a bit more. Sigh...it is such a very big muddle and even though I truly believe it can in theory be unmuddled, I'm not sure that in practice it can be given the very real limitations of time, money etc. 
Thus I am feeling very alone and hopeless in my muddle tonight.
I think I will bunker down in my underwater cave tonight. Hey @Former-Member and @Former-Member you guys are watching over the ocean tonight aren't you. Do you remember the way to the underwater cave? A thousand miles out from the coast of Forum Land, take a sharp left, and then dive. Hmmm...maybe I need to put those instructions on the thread for the new moderators.
Will you sit with me in my underwater cave...and in my muddle @Former-Member and @Former-Member? Super big thank you for caring about me, and for watching over the ocean tonight.
Good night Forum Land. 
Of course we remember the way @Phoenix_Rising. We will sit with you during this muddle and hopefully you can work on it a bit more with the turtle whisperer tomorrow.
For now, both @Former-Member and I are watching over the ocean...
I feel like I've been squished by a bus and I am super struggling with a wave of suicidal ideation. My turtle whisperer and I were talking about the agonizing reality that I really need some long-term support to unmuddle my muddle...and she is connected with a service where she isn't sure she will be there long-term. And thus we are going to begin the tortuous search for therapist-take-thirteen. I don't know how to do this. I know that it makes more sense to start this search now while I have the support of my turtle whisperer, rather than doing it down the track after she decides to move on. But how do I do this. HOW DO I DO IT???? There is about a one in a billion chance of me finding someone who gets me. I found (K) and I found my turtle whisperer. Both of them truly get me. Both of them could truly help me. And both of them are inaccessible to me. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't know HOW to do this anymore. I super badly want to call it quits right now. I am super super super struggling.
Oh little turtle - I really don't know what to say! So I will just let you know that I hear you, I feel for you and I am sitting here with you @Phoenix_Rising