Riding a wave

[Phoenix_Rising]

I'm so confused. Why does everybody just leave. None of this makes any sense. I want NikNik. I want CherryBomb. I want the Forum Land of six months ago. What the hell has happened here lately?

[Zoe7]

Some of those relationships are different tonight @Phoenix_Rising but some are still the same. CB and I are still with you and I can see @Former-Member is here too

[CheerBear]

😞 I wish I had answers and I wish I could come and sit close but not too close in really real life to show you that I am here and I am not planning on going anywhere anytime soon. I wish that there was more that I could do than that @Phoenix_Rising. I am listening and hearing you though.

[Phoenix_Rising]

I don't understand any of this. I followed all the rules when the big feeling hit. I did the @Former-Member thing and then I waited. And when it got to an hour and I was still rocking and stimming, I called the HC. And they told me...well I don't know that I'm allowed to say what they told me. I'm SO CONFUSED. I super badly need someone to help me regulate and then to explain what I did wrong. I don't understand what I did wrong. What has changed? Why didn't someone come to the ocean like they always do? I'm so so so confused and I feel so so so scared.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Phoenix_Rising ..... ☔️☔️☔️

I am hearing you .... but I am also seeing this differently ..... please hear me for a moment, and I hope it will help .....

The moderators are watching over the ocean .... it is safe to be here .....it is safe, and that hasn’t changed.

The @ Moderator feature was put into place for emergency use .... and primarily for mobile phones where the “Report Insppropriate Content” button was not available @- this also flags a moderator, as does @- mentioning their user name ....  but the @ Moderator function was only ever intended for use  when crisis action was required ..... I know that much from conversations around the use of it.

You are feeling in crisis now, I know, and that was triggered by the Facebook article (which I have not read), followed by not being able to access distress support through the @ Moderator function ...... and I am guessing that perhaps whoever is on duty is not one of the mods who knows typos well enough to realise how quickly things can escalate from distress to crisis for you .....

I am telling you all this because I know you have a very black and white functioning brain that likes to have clear information as a basis for decision-making, and 8 hope what I have written is clear.

It doesn’t solve the problem of the Facebook article, but I hope it helps to calm the Forumland ocean waves down a bit for you ..... and you have a flotilla of friends out here on the ocean now with you ..... this little dolphin with her purple umbrella included .....

☔️☔️☔️🐬☔️☔️☔️

[Phoenix_Rising]

But CherryBomb always came @Faith-and-Hope and @Former-Member used to always come with her collection of floaties. What changed???

[CheerBear]

I am sorry to hear that you are wondering whether to put your bookpod in reverse @Former-Member. I really hope you don't but understand that maybe you need to too 😞 I really hope that soon this will be able to make more sense and things feel safer again.

[Phoenix_Rising]

I don't understand @Faith-and-Hope. Pretty much every night for months I asked a moderator to check in at bedtime and they always always always did. And CherryBomb always appeared and was so super good at calming giant feelings. What changed? This is an EXACT repeat of so many past experiences. I am in utter utter crisis.

[Zoe7]

At the risk of saying the wrong thing here too @Phoenix_Rising - what has changed is the structure of the organisation and the 'closeness' that some of us have had with certain moderators (because they were always around) is now no longer available. The forum has increased dramatically in size of members and moderators and this will inevitably lead to less 'familiarity' between everyone. I know this is not what you want to hear but it is the reality now. We have to work together as members to support each other and make it feel safe for everyone.

[Phoenix_Rising]

I'm SO SCARED. This is such a total replica of the saga that started my whole muddle. I really really really need to talk it through with someone, and there is no one.

Wise mind would say "what do I need right now?" What I need is to speak with someone who knows me and at least some of my history and who can thus understand why this is so enormous right now. I know what I need...but I can't get what I need. Thus the waves of SI come.