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I think I'm going to head out of Forum Land early tonight. I am very much feeling the strain right now of not being able to call the HC. My Monday appointment with TTT seems a horribly long way away. It's so so SO hard. All my attempts to build a network of support have failed. I've ended up losing supports as fast as I find them such that now it's just me and TTT - just like it was just me and Fred for all those years. Of course, TTT is actually a safe therapist so in that way it's totally different...but it is still kind-of the same in the sense that I am fully reliant on this one person for support rather than having a network who can share the load. I've tried SO HARD to build a network. I started trying this all the way back in 2010, when I first realised something was very awry in my relationship with Fred. I have had so many people in my world since then...but they have all walked in and then walked out again. I won't be trying again. First the wrongness of the wrong, and then being banned from calling the HC. Yep, I think it's safe to assume that this little turtle is well and truly done with seeking out additional sources of support. TTT and I are just going to have to deal with my muddle by ourselves. In my session on Tuesday when I was super chaotic, I was telling TTT that I didn't want to ever do this again, and I can hear her now in my head saying in her super nice calm voice "it's ok, you don't have to." No one will ever hurt me again. I just need to survive the current overwhelming hurt and grief and loss! 
@CheerBear do you want to listen to Room on the Broom tonight? I was telling @Former-Member that I started listening to it last night, but fell asleep - yay for falling asleep listening to stories!
Night Forum Land.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3SlfLha1fw
im also an Enid Blyton fan, these are what I’ve been into more recently.
Hi @CheerBear,
I fell asleep listening to Room on the Broom last night too!!!! Clearly this must be a very interesting story. 
Yay for falling asleep listening to Room on the Broom together-but-not! Reading the conversation between you and @Former-Member over there --> I can see that I was asleep long before you. 
I have been practicing my crocheting again this morning. I super love how much you and @Former-Member are helping me master this currently-impossible skill! It's definitely the turning bit that is doing my head in. Maybe if I actually follow SunShower's advice and watch the videos properly, that might help. I keep watching a bit and then going "ooooh now I get it, let me try..." and then discover that I don't really get it at all.
I am struggling this morning because Thursday morning was usually the time when I would make my once-a-week call to the HC. It feels like a million years until talking time with TTT next Monday. I so badly wish I could see her twice a week. I will email her later. I figure making Thursday email-TTT day will help a bit, even though written talking will never ever be the same as talking talking. I so badly wish I had someone else to talk talk to.
Anyway, I hope there is some good in the day for everyone out on the ocean today.
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