Riding a wave

[CheerBear]

As expected I was hit by a housing bus @Phoenix_Rising. It happened while I was writing a strange timing post in a nest reply on my way to the Dr for that 2712 and where I sit now waiting for a test.

The buses suck 😞 I wish they'd drive somewhere else (or just leave altogether). I am angry and sad and frustrated thinking of your TTT bus. If I found eleventy million dollars I'd buy a property with two houses on it together-but-not. Surely we could also find a Turtle Whisperer with some of it? I hate that buses seem to be driven by money.

Thank you for your post. It has reassured me heaps and I nodded along while I was reading it, in my spinning world of "woah what are words" right now.

The world feels a bit scary today Phoenix_Rising but I feel better knowing I have here. I am sure my brain will stop melting and shaking before long enough and when it does I will reply properly. Thanks for being you and for helping me feel ok about being me.

[Phoenix_Rising]

Super big thank you for checking in @Former-Member and @Former-Member.

@Former-Member when you say I will get there, where is "there." I know the big feelings will settle, but where is "there." Right now I don't even know if I'm going to get to first base with therapist-take-thirteen. How can the practice demand payment to speak to my turtle whisperer? How can this possibly possibly possibly be? And I am feeling extra icky about it now because the more I reflect on it, the more I realise that I didn't actually give informed consent for them to go ahead and ask Victim's Services to fund the phone call. I was SO dysregulated, I couldn't think. So even though I have said "yes," I recognise that I have said "yes" with a completely flooded brain and thus I don't think the consent I gave was informed consent. I was completely ambushed. This is precisely WHY my turtle whisperer and my GP are handling the situation. My brain is so fried, I can't think straight!!!! I'm SCARED Lunar!

@Former-Member that is the most super amazing picture of your island. I super love it. @Former-Member looks super big in that picture doesn't she! Lauz...do you have to wear a seatbelt when you are flying around on your island. Have you ever thought about putting a safety rail around it. It looks a little unsafe.

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member @Former-Member @NikNik my day just took a distinct turn for the worse. I super need some help right now.

[Former-Member]

I look huge @Former-Member and @Phoenix_Rising maybe it is from all the greek food I ate last night or maybe it is just that time of the month

Oh I am sorry @Phoenix_Rising when I said 'there' I meant the calm feeling, will eventually come when the big feelings settle, then you can work through the current issue. 🙂

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member I need help and there is no help. I'm SCARED.

[Former-Member]

I’m not good at helping, but I'm here, @Phoenix_Rising. 

[Former-Member]

So- the island has this lovely invisiable fence. Its soft and gently keeps you in the lslands land, so you can keep relaxing under its palms (just watch out for the coonuts!)

Why don't you cruise along on the island @Phoenix_Rising while you enjoy forumland today. Just go slow - the big feelings will calm like Lunar said. @CheerBear posted in the DBT thread you have all been working on. Why don't you have a little look through that perhaps? And hi @Former-Member ! here to ride as well 

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member I can come flying with you on your island? I am in extreme crisis. I miss Fred. I wish I had just stayed with Fred. I was a bazillion times safer with him than I will ever be again. I am reverting back to engaging in some behaviours I used to do before I was with him. For all the bad stuff, he gave me stability because it was just him and me. Now I seem to be in this bewildering world where I try SO HARD to connect with people, but every time I get stung, I withdraw into my shell a little more. Are you going to be around for a while @Former-Member? We can fly around on your island together? I'm super glad it has an invisible fence.

[Phoenix_Rising]

@CheerBear I am super sad that you got squished by the housing bus. . Today is a superly duperly tricky day @CheerBear. I am using all the tools in my toolkit (including the one that society deems pathological) in order to stay alive right now. I feel super super super unsafe - even here in Forum Land. Everything just feels like a gigantic bewildering jumble of muddle. I am getting worse by the day. The level of what it takes to send me into crisis has shrunk to almost nothing. I know this is because that stupid saying "whatever doesn't k*ll you makes you stronger" is so completely wrong. I know that my brain is now SO fried that ANYTHING can send me into utter chaos (rocking, stimming, SHing). I don't know what to do. I KNOW I need help, I desperately WANT help, and yet help simply isn't there. I'm scared CheerBear, I'm SCARED.

I'm super glad we don't live on Venus.

[Phoenix_Rising]

Why do people talk about reaching for help when there is no help? I need help. I KNOW I need help. I WANT help. Why doesn't help-seeking work for me????? @Former-Member