Riding a wave

[Phoenix_Rising]

I am superly duperly struggling right now. I feel utterly hopeless. I am 40 years old, the last of a generation of my family has just died, and I have zero hope of ever having any sort of a career. Right now I am feeling angry and restful because people less qualified than me seem to be able to get a job and be regarded as an "expert" while dumb-arse me sits around on the DSP experiencing all the disempowerment and invalidation that goes with being a "consumer." I have giant angry feelings and giant hopelessness feelings. All I ever wanted was a career. I've known for years that I was never going to be successful in the interpersonal relationships thing, but I truly thought that if I just tried hard enough I could have a career that would consume my time, passion and energy. Now I know it is almost certainly never going to happen. The much more likely outcome is that I will spend the rest of my life on welfare with occassional paid gigs supplementing that payment. That is not what I spent 12 years at uni for. I feel utterly utterly utterly hopeless.

@Former-Member @Former-Member

[Former-Member]

Hello @Phoenix_Rising

I am floating just nearby, alongside you and hearing you.

I am going to go on the yoga thread btw 🙂

[Phoenix_Rising]

The giant feelings are super super super giant @Former-Member. I am trying super hard to regulate but I realise I'm not in an ok space to drive right now and thus I just cancelled my yoga class. My teacher does another one later this evening so if I can get regulated in the next hour I could go to that one. The feelings are GIANT!!!!!

[Former-Member]

(OOPS I posted this on the wrong thread but all fixed now !)

Okay, regulating is the goal for this hour, so you can get to the later yoga and work on your cobra pose! Is there any way that you can watch a baby goat video to help you feel more calm and help ride out the wave? What do you think? I am sending you this baby goat just to get started. 

🙂

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member. I noticed your oopsy. Thank you for fixing it. I have giant want-to-die feelings.

[Former-Member]

Just letting you know I'm in the waves nearby, @Phoenix_Rising.

(My head feels so ikcy clicking 'like' on a hard post, when what I really mean is 'I hear you'.)

[CheerBear]

Same here with the like thing @Phoenix_Rising, but wanted you to know I'm here also, also hearing you. Hoping you have been able to get to the later yoga class tonight.

[Phoenix_Rising]

Thank you for being out on the ocean @Former-Member @Former-Member and @CheerBear. I managed to get to my yoga class and that super helped my big feelings - yay for yoga-ing. I'm just super struggling because of the absurd situation that I find myself in whereby I hold a higher qualification than some people who identify as "mental health professionals" and yet realistically I will almost certainly never hold a paid position in the field. It triggers all those giant feelings around the power differential that exists between "the professionals" and "consumers and carers." It is REALLY hard when some of those so called "professionals" hold lower qualifications in mental health than I do.

[Former-Member]

I’m so glad yoga-ing helped a bit (and that you managed to get there).

Your big feelings are so valid, @Phoenix_Rising. The situation is not right and it’s not fair. And as a ‘consumer’ (ugh, that word), I would much rather work with someone who has lived experience, someone who actually gets it. I was speaking to a friend the other day about how so many of us living mental illness have so much potential that goes to waste because of the way the world (and the workforce) works. It would be great if things could be rejigged by thinking outside the box and making changes to harness that potential in a workable way. Maybe one day. I hate the thought of being stuck on DSP forever. 😕

I know I haven't known you very long, but I truly believe that you will change the world. I can see your passion and your drive and your determination. These really do count for something, even if the world is broken in the way it works (or doesn't work) right now. I guess what I'm trying to say (really inarticulately) is that I think you're awesome and I think it is you and other awesome people/turtles/fabulous beings who will make the world a better place.

(Okay, so I've spent too long trying to draft this post, stressing about sounding patronising or insincere or just like a tool. I'm going to post it now and hope it comes across as the supportive message I intended.) 🌷

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member Awwwwww your post made me feel all warm and fuzzy. I superly duperly liked it: smileyhappy:

I do fully intend to change the world and I know that in some ways I AM changing the world...I just wish that the whole power differential thing didn't exist between "the professionals" and "the consumers." In terms of cold hard cash, I can survive relatively ok on the DSP. For me it's definitely more about the power differential. I can create a work-like structure to my week via volunteering etc. and these days I am never bored. It's the power thing that I am super struggling with. I hate how "mental health workers" or "mental health professionals" are esteemed as "experts" when from what I can tell, pretty much anyone who has some vague mental-health related qualification can call themselves a "mental health worker." And that's totally ok...so long as there is transparancy about their level of knowledge and skill. I absolutely definitely don't believe that higher qualifications = greater skills. I just believe there needs to be transparancy around this because I get the feeling sometimes that terms like "mental health professional" are regarded by the general public as meaning things such as psychologist, psychiatrist, mental health social worker etc. when in fact the term seems to be very poorly defined and can mean whatever someone wants it to mean.

I'm sorry you are in a similar pickle to me regarding employment @Former-Member. I know you have spent a bazillion years at uni too. It is utterly soul destroying not being able to reap any sort of financial reward from that. And yeah, I know, money isn't everything, but the reality is that we live in a capitalist society and we can't pay the rent/mortgage with altruism can we!