Some sweet cake treats for the wave riders. @Phoenix_Rising here, but not quite here. Thinking of you. Wishing there was something could be done to right all the wrongs done unto all of us.
Deep breath in ..... slowly breathe out .... deep breath in ..... slowly breathe out ... Keep breathing little turtle, keep breathing.
Hop in my swan floatie if you get tired.
Good afternoon on the ocean,
@CheerBear I hope your baby steps are going ok today.
@Former-Member I'm sorry to hear you are having so much trouble concentrating. I too struggle massively with concentration issues - hence why the DBT adventure doesn't move along at a particularly fast pace. 
I am feeling super sad and super hopeless. TTT and I talked about my extremely scrambled attachment system this morning. We talked about how in the past, I very much had an anxious attachment style, but now, due to the mountain of losses over the past two-and-a-half years, I have a disorganised attachment style - which is recognised by pretty much anyone who knows anything about attachment theory, as being the most pathological attachment style. 
When I asked TTT if there was any hope at all of me ever having a secure attachment she responded with um...well maybe for now we should just aim to get you back to having an anxious one. It was kind-of funny (as in we both giggled), but kind-of not (as in we both know there's really nothing funny about this).
We talked about how the wrongness of the wrong, and getting banned from calling the HC, have utterly decimated what was left of my already-nearly-defunct attachment system. How can it possibly possibly be that the wrongness of the wrong happened TWO DAYS before my first session with TTT. How can one human being be that cursed?
How am I ever supposed to heal now? A pre-requisite for having any sort of attachment is to have some sort of interpersonal relationship. I know I will develop an attachment bond to TTT (that's certainly the plan, anyway!), but how will I ever broaden out from that now? I don't have family, I'm never doing the friend thing again, and after what happened with the HC, I'm never going to try to connect with any other service. So...the chances of me developing any sort of interpersonal relationship, much less an attachment bond, with another human being seems to be somewhere between nil and zero.
I feel utterly disconnected from the entire human race. My soul truly died after the wrongness of the wrong.
@Former-Member @NikNik @Former-Member
Hi @Former-Member,
Super big thank you for your support. It feels very lonely on the ocean sometimes - like today.
I am certainly not fretting over the future in terms of relationships. It is simply a nothingness. The reality is that one can only heal attachment issues within relationships and given no one aside from TTT can stand being around me - even on the phone, I think we are both fairly realistic about what can (and can't!!!) be achieved. I don't have any expectations (or even interest now) in having any more interpersonal relationships during my time on this planet. The thing I DO want is a job! If I had a job where I felt valued and like I was making a meaningful contribution to the world, and earning money so that I could do boring things like pay my mortgage, that would super help. But alas, to get and keep a job, one must be likeable, and therein lies my dilemma!
I can understand how scary it would be wondering whether your head injury has been reactivated, Sunshower.
I super enjoyed the book The Brain that Changes Itself too @Former-Member. I did some neurofeedback last year. I believe this is one of the most powerful tools we currently have when it comes to rewiring the brain. Alas, that psychologist was one of the many who decided she couldn't cope with me and she dumped me as a client only about six sessions into my neurofeedback adventure. However, if you ever get the chance to try neurofeedback, I would strongly encourage it @Former-Member.
TTT IS remarkable isn't she. It was SO HARD therapist shopping through those 2.5 years and 12 therapists since I left Fred, but TTT has made it so so SO worth it! It was super funny today. She complimented me on staying grounded while we talked about tricky stuff. Her compliment went something like this; I'm so impressed that you've managed to stay so grounded...well...relatively speaking...I mean...you ARE lying upside down on my couch buried in soft toys, but, you know... 
I super love that she can praise me for being in a way that most other therapists couldn't even cope with. Oh and if you are trying to visualise how upside down I was, the couch is against a wall and I was doing the legs-up-the-wall yoga posture on that wall (while cuddling my turtle, and TTT's teddy bear and weighted toy). Yay for awesome therapists. 
I also got super praised for my picture effort. I only ended up doing one during the week. Here is a photo of the original squiggle again and a photo of the picture I presented to TTT today.
As you can see, I decided on ducks, but I think it super helped hearing other Forumites talking about chickens and emus. As you can see, drawing is not one of my strengths - no one is allowed to laugh! I want to tag everyone who offered suggestions for my picture, but I just know I'll forget someone!