Good afternoon on the ocean,

@CheerBear I hope your baby steps are going ok today.

@Former-Member I'm sorry to hear you are having so much trouble concentrating. I too struggle massively with concentration issues - hence why the DBT adventure doesn't move along at a particularly fast pace. 

I am feeling super sad and super hopeless. TTT and I talked about my extremely scrambled attachment system this morning. We talked about how in the past, I very much had an anxious attachment style, but now, due to the mountain of losses over the past two-and-a-half years, I have a disorganised attachment style - which is recognised by pretty much anyone who knows anything about attachment theory, as being the most pathological attachment style.  When I asked TTT if there was any hope at all of me ever having a secure attachment she responded with um...well maybe for now we should just aim to get you back to having an anxious one. It was kind-of funny (as in we both giggled), but kind-of not (as in we both know there's really nothing funny about this). 

We talked about how the wrongness of the wrong, and getting banned from calling the HC, have utterly decimated what was left of my already-nearly-defunct attachment system. How can it possibly possibly be that the wrongness of the wrong happened TWO DAYS before my first session with TTT. How can one human being be that cursed?

How am I ever supposed to heal now? A pre-requisite for having any sort of attachment is to have some sort of interpersonal relationship. I know I will develop an attachment bond to TTT (that's certainly the plan, anyway!), but how will I ever broaden out from that now? I don't have family, I'm never doing the friend thing again, and after what happened with the HC, I'm never going to try to connect with any other service. So...the chances of me developing any sort of interpersonal relationship, much less an attachment bond, with another human being seems to be somewhere between nil and zero. 

I feel utterly disconnected from the entire human race. My soul truly died after the wrongness of the wrong.

@Former-Member @NikNik @Former-Member