Struggling and Need Support

[fangorn]

@OM108 

Looking back at it now, the last four years at work have been tremendously stressful for many reasons.

I also think that in general I have been stuck in fight or flight mode, or more recently freeze really, for many years before that.

I have been listening to audiobooks, podcasts, youtube videos on the subject and they have led me to the work of Gabor Mate (the body's natural trauma responses and addiction), Bessel van der Kolk (Yoga, neuro feedback, EMDR, IFS), Peter Levine (Somatic Therapy) and Richard Schwartz (creator of Internal Family Systems IFS).

All these things have led to to a much better understanding of what might be happening and where it came from, and following some of their exercises has really helped me. Knowing that some of the things I am struggling with are normal really help too.

Finding people on the forum helps to feel less isolated and alone.

I have been working in Software Development for the last 8 years, and at the moment I struggle to code. All job applications are for jobs that don't require qualifications or jobs that are in the same field without the focus on coding. More focused on team leadership, project management, business analysis etc.

As a result, tweaking my resume for the jobs I apply for really is like a full time job; very time consuming.

Very disheartening not to hear back from most of them, or to only hear you were not successful. 

I also don't get the balance right. Some nights I am working on cover letters until 2AM, because I am desperate. I find it hard to slow down and look after my mental health by walking or meditating, because of financial pressures.

I am in the process of applying for Job Seeker support from Centrelink. The processing of the claim is taking a long time. Does anyone have any suggestions or resources that would be useful in navigating support that might be available through Centrelink? I am finding navigating that maze hard. They expect you to know all the information, but in most cases I cannot find it

[NatureLover]

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@fangorn wrote:

@NatureLover 

Thank you for your kind words. Would you be able to share some of the strategies you used to get out of that situation?

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Hi again @fangorn ...I had a 3-year nervous breakdown with severe depression, which I spent in bed. After that 3 years, someone gave me some multivitamins, which was the first stage in my recovery journey (I was so poor that all I was eating was $1 white bread with Vegemite for 3 years). Then I started seeing a psychiatrist who changed my anti-depressant to something stronger (which saved my life) and started talk therapy with me. I also got granted the DSP from Centrelink which was another lifesaver. 

I've actually been poor my whole adult life (I'm 52) and counting coins in the supermarket. Then I got an inheritance thankfully. That's coming to an end shortly. 

I also have been lucky to find a good psychologist after that first psychiatrist retired, and have got a lot of healing through that. 

So looking back, I've been very fortunate and lucky. 

As to navigating Centrelink, good luck - I know it's very difficult and takes a long time. I can't remember how I did it as I was too depressed - I think I had help from PHaMs (Personal Helpers and Mentors). 

[tyme]

Hey @fangorn , How are you doing this evening?

I'm thinking of you so I can back to re-read all your posts.

Hope you are okay.

[OM108]

@fangorn 

thank you for sharing more about yourself and your reflections on what has been going on. The resources you have found are great and certainly doing these practices will help you.

I spent 11 years in India and am passionate about yoga and ayurveda, which are complementary sciences. Understanding the power of traditional healing modalities (whether it be ayurveda, TCM or siddha medicine) helped me to take control of my own life. Recognising my personal mind and body type and my own constitution was very empowering, because it allowed me to accept myself in my strengths and weaknesses...and from moment to moment... to see what i need to do (with regard to nutrition, lifestyle, daily routines) to regain/maintain balance and build on my strengths.

Rather than getting stuck thinking there is something wrong with me or listening to conflicting medical opinions...i found a way to understand myself from the inside (which noone but me can do). Everyday i have a choice whether to pursue my selfcare practices and lifestyle adjustments...or not.

The single most important lifestyle adjustment for me is consistently getting up when the sun rises and going to bed by 10pm...that is a life changing adjustment right there....and a lot of science to back it up if you want to know more. 

Of course always make sure you have the right supports around you... to keep you safe while you navigate all this for yourself. SANE staff can guide you if you call them for help.

OM

[MJG017]

Hi @fangorn I'm so sorry to hear how much you are struggling.  I can certainly understand that feeling of everything just getting to the point of feeling completely overwhelmed.  It's a really difficult hole to get yourself out of, especially if there's no one to talk to.  That's why I find reaching out to people on forums like this so helpful.  It might not always fix much, but it still helps me a lot and from that I find I'm more able to cope and then find it easier to reach out even more, and slowly things can start to improve.

I'm not working at the moment either due to health issues, so I certainly know the financial struggle.  There are some free phone counseling services around that you may find helpful.  I was also unemployed quite a few years ago and found that volunteer work helped me a lot. It gave me some confidence, some human contact and looked nice added to my resume. So maybe that's something you could look into.  I did mine at a local community centre.

I also have found it helpful, just to find something I enjoy doing and just to take some time each day to do that.  I find it gives me a 'mental holiday' that helps get me through the grind of getting through each day.

In this current environment, you probably, like most people, will have a lot of unsuccessful job applications, but the fact you've had a few interviews is a very promising sign that you're on the right track and doing the right things.  So i'd take it a encouragement that you're not too far off and success is only a matter of time.  Best of luck with it and I hope you find a job soon because that will help your situation a lot more than just financially.

[fangorn]

@NatureLover Thank you so much for sharing your story. It really does give me hope that things will be ok again one day

[fangorn]

Thanks again for the kind words @tyme The responses have me feeling slightly less alone in the current struggles. Just try to keep showing up every day and doing what I can. Hopefully soon there will be a break

[fangorn]

Hi @MJG017, Thank you for those lovely, kind words. I did think about volunteering, but I feel like I need to keep applying for paid positions to get me out of the hole I am in at the moment. That is also the reason I find it hard to take a break and do some things I might enjoy and recharge mentally. I feel like I almost don't  deserve that until I am financially back on my feet again.

I know I am really lucky to have access to a friend's spare room, washing machine and shower, but I find the concept of not being able to provide for myself and my kids (I have 2 under 15 who live with their mum) and even without income, I have to pay child support. I know that I am putting a lot of this pressure on myself. I just don't know how to balance it better, or even who to get in contact with to navigate the labyrinth that is Services Australia

[fangorn]

Hi @OM108 

It sounds like you have found relief in routines and somatic healing. That gives me great hope. I will look into some of the healing modalities you mentioned.

I do find it very hard not to continually feel like there is something wrong with me and to separate the diagnosis from my sense of self.

I also find it very hard to reconcile some of the dark thoughts I have, about things being easier without me. 

Please note that I am safe and I will not harm myself in any way, but the thoughts do appear from time to time and are hard to live with.

[PizzaMondo]

I am glad that you are safe for now @fangorn - thank you for highlighting that.

Services Australia is not an easy task to navigate - your struggles are felt by many of us! One suggestion I have, if you have not already is to go into your local Centrelink (if it is accessible for you) - from my experience, when I am face to face, I can go in with my pre planned questions and seek those answers to know how and what to provide to them.

I can imagine it's been a tough time with a lot going on, but I'm glad you're reaching out to the community on here for support 🙂

You got this ~

Warmest,
PizzaMondo 🙂