@creative_writer totally legit fear to have hun! Attachment trauma is very difficult to navigate. Perhaps you are aromantic too? Something to explore. In any case, this particular fear is one I am pretty horribly familiar with. Something that did really help was learning about and practicing Relationship Anarchy - I think I've mentioned it before? But the main reason I bring it up now is because one style of relationship that I've found to be way more common within the queer community is called a 'queerplatonic relationship', which is basically like a close, intimate, and sometimes long-term life-partnership, but without physical intimacy. Many will speak of their QP relationships being just as precious and fulfilling as any other.
The point is, like you say yourself, relationships work when there's clear communication, expectations, and understanding of how the two people fit into each others lives. As just an example, one of my ace friends has a long-term life partner who is not ace. They have an open relationship, where the partner can go out to get his sexual needs met by other people, but everything else (i.e. emotional intimacy and non-sexual physical intimacy) is shared between them. This wouldn't work if they weren't able to talk openly about their needs, styles of relating to others, and possible triggers for jealousy.
I've been listening to an audiobook of late called 'Polysecure' (by Jessica Fern), and whilst I know you don't necessarily identify with ethical non-monogamy, the book still has some truly incredible insights, explanations, and differing ways of conceptualising attachment trauma (including my now favourite model of all time, which she called the 'Nested Model of Attachment', and it includes all the layers from identity and interpersonal relationships right through social, cultural, and global factors that can shape our attachment style). Perhaps it could help you in understanding yourself better, and help you navigate future relationships!
Anyway, all this was just to say YES! It is very possible, in fact it's probable that you will find someone whose needs and relationship style match yours. Sometimes finding them is just a numbers game 😅
