TW: Trauma and relationships

[creative_writer]

@Glisten yes she is, that’s why I started seeing her. I’m not really get much benefit from therapy anymore. I just can’t really open up to her to the degree I probably need

[Glisten]

@creative_writer is your lack of disclosure to your psychologist, because of previous negative experiences?

Keep in mind that you are paying a professional for a professional service.

If you want to archive a goal you got to tell them.

It’s no different than paying a private trainer at the gym.

G

[creative_writer]

@Glisten I honestly don’t feel like she understands. Maybe it’s an unreasonable expectation to have because how can she because she’s not me. Maybe it’s unreasonable to want to feel safer in a therapy session because I don’t know how to feel emotionally safe with anyone

[rav3n]

just saw this now @creative_writer i'm totally for breaking up with your psych if they're not able to provide you with the support you need! i know its kinda annoying having to find a new one, but with trial and error i'm sure you'll find one that you click with. also something i learnt from jumping between clinicians/psychs - unfortunately they can't read our minds and even though they are experts in psych & therapy, they aren't experts about you and your feelings - so if something isn't working out, its important we try vocalise it, it helps them help you. totally get that it can be difficult to advocate for yourself, if it helps - writing a letter to them instead of saying it out loud might be easier?

also about searching for companions - sounds like your week is pretty full on, i can see why making time for social outings can be tiring. uni is a great place to look for friends, i know some people who have made 0 long-term friends from uni and then some who made heaps - definitely a matter of luck and compatibility as well sometimes. i found that going to events that shared my interest helped (i.e. went to a cultural social event and bonded with people over our shared experience with strict immigrant parents - obviously there's so many different things you can bond over instead of that haha but just an example). not sure if you believe in fate/destiny, but i also believe that the right people will come into our life when the time is right. it may not be the time you want, but they'll make an entrance when you least expect it. 

[creative_writer]

@rav3n I think I need to decompress after placement, I am burnt out. I dread socialising right now, might need to catch up on my energy. Hayfever season isn’t helping, Melbourne is awful for allergies. Need to clear out my nose with saline solution, it’s disgusting, but needs to be done. I know friendships form over time, and I’ve bound to come by caring people in the profession. I think I just have to go at my own pace. I do believe in fate. My parents are immigrants too, the overprotective kind, intergenerational trauma is a thing and can cause parents to become a bit too overprotective and there is lots of discomfort around darker emotions

[rav3n]

that's so fair @creative_writer - especially if you're feeling burnt out from placements, your plan to regain energy first and prioritise that is great. i feel you with the allergies, it's still 'winter' yet i spent a few minutes near my garden and had a sneezing fit 😑 

when you are ready to go find some new companions - i reckon going to cultural events are a great place if that's something you're interested in. finding people with similar upbringings and cultures makes it easier to understand one another, less energy spent on explaining yourself if you get what i mean. 

i relate to the intergenerational trauma and overprotective parents too, our parents tend to have poor emotional regulation/unhealthy ways of expressing negative emotions and it makes it harder on us since we have to find healthy ways to regulate our emotions on our own. if you ever want to talk/vent about it, i'm here to listen 💗

[Tilly33]

I also have a history of sexual violence. I feel you.

[creative_writer]

@Tilly33 sorry didn’t see this earlier. It is absolutely heartbreaking to go through it😢. I wish I could erase it from my mind, my memories stick. My heart goes out to you 💖🫂

[creative_writer]

Why is it that I can’t seem to move past this after everything I tried to do to heal? Why does it linger? Does the heart ever heal? Am I doing something wrong?

[tyme]

Hey @creative_writer ,

What's happening for you? These thoughts sound so pervasive. It must be hard to sit with these thoughts and questions. 

I wonder if there is a way to allow these thoughts to come and go rather than dwell on them as a way to move forward?

Thinking of you. Hugs