Monday morning or afternoon

[PeppyPatti]

 i know I put this image up because I love the Randomnes of the tiles.

My name is@Justanother55

After many years of study Psychotherapy and having many years of therapy I get it- my Mum has a borderline and narcassistic personality disorder.

I wake up most mornings feeling ill. I get it. My brother's have believed her for years. She has tried to destroy me. There is a lot of work to be done regarding people not believing her old old lies and present lies. But I don't care anymore.

Last I contacted you people and @tyme @in carers explained to me the steps of borderline reaction

My mother has tried to destroy me for years - she's 81 today and I don't get it .......why does everyone believe her ??

Not that I care anymore. I just feel in shock of knowing this is what iv been skirting around for so many years.

[BlueBells]

@PeppyPatti

Hi, I know my mum twisted the whole family, but I wasn't really aware of it until after she passed.

I'd say nowhere near what you are up against, but also, as people get older, they tend to get away with things.

What I mean is, the "oh, but look at her, she's such a dear old lady", emphasis on old, and that pressures victims to 'suck it up".

It certainly doesn't mean age has softened them, it's just another tool in their little bag of tricks, and they use it.

No, I don't think mum ever did that, but I've seen it happen.

Hugs, take care

[Owlunar]

Hi @BlueBells @PeppyPatti 

I don't know if my mother was narcissistic - she was cruel and bitter and I spent my younger years feeling humiliation I had no need to feel,

Now I know she was a very unhappy person - still - not the sweet little old lady everyone thought she was - and when my dear uncle spoke her eulogy at her funeral I nearly threw up,

Amazing - isn't it - it has taken me years to get over the way she treated me and yes - I know I provoked her when I was young - I was a child though. Now - though I see reasons for her behaviour I will not extend an excuse - and I will never forget though I try to forgive - hopefully I have,

I hear both of you - none of us deserved what we got when we were innocent - young - perhaps trying to please - and finding that impossible.

It's really tough - I wish both of you the best with your future - it is hard to get past and whatever we do we do it for ourselves. We did not deserve what we got.

Owlunar

[PeppyPatti]

@dearest@@BlueBells 

I feel annoyed with myself that for so many d...years iv been not really fighting but digging my feet in with my Psychotherapist and telling her ' iv got to be a daughter and being there for her.

Funnily enough, my therapist has been sort of but not really begging me to see her every week and now........I know why.

No matter what no one deserves this treatment from their mothers.

@Appleblossom@tyme 

My oldest son has come back. Not my youngest. My oldest brother has cut me off.

I'm learning to just be gentle with Me.

Thank you for your reply-

🍵🌿💮🥀🐾

[Appleblossom]

Dear @PeppyPatti 

Sounds very similar dynamics to mine, re social leveraging in an intergenerational direction.

It is heartbreaking.

I first joined the forum while visit my mother in  palliative care. I was facing up to how bad it was inside, and really needed the outlet here.  I did not post that much about it,

My mother's style was more covert. In some ways she was a classic refrigerator mother, Distant and in her own world.  I made excuses for her a lot as I was so 'glad' to be back from the orphanages, but she was a shocker the way she used and betrayed me, during childhood, motherhood, and at the end with my sister and daughter.

I was advised by a family therapist in early 90s to be wary of my mother as she had breached trust again and played finny business with them and they felt morally obliged to tell me, 

Not sure if you remember Dec Decadian ... from way back ... @Owlunar is same perspn

Hey @BlueBells  @tyme 

[BlueBells]

@appleblosssom

So many hugs. I've never understood how people can be mean, especially to children, but to their own children, that is beyond my comprehension.

[PeppyPatti]

@Owlunar

@Appleblossom

@BlueBells 

Yes, I have two memories of my Mother being kind to me. I'm ( very slowly ) writing my story of my childhood with help of a book called " Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents " by Lindsay Gibson.

Funny, I'm more annoyed than anything.

I'm quite involved with just getting through each day today.

I will admit not seeing my Mum is a great relief.

[Appleblossom]

Lovely to see your old name @PeppyPatti YOU are NOT just another

.... yeah we all blend into the huge mass of hooman beens ...

Good to have you back in my friendship circle ... can I walk on your beach???

Hey @BlueBells I think a lot of it is due to overwhelm, lack of resources and understanding and people carrying their own trauma.  That was the case with my parents, but I made too many excuses for them and did not pay enough attention to my needs.

@Owlunar Hope you are coping with dental op.

Writing out your story from your own point of view is important.  I need to get back to more writing for me, but I am flat out with Social Engagement at the moment.  That is my priority for this year.  To get hooked up with people and activities in my life not just paid services.  That I deserve ... a life ... is a big thing for me ... cos I can beat myself up about that big time.

Still ... I try and focus .... on the good.

[ArraDreaming]

Why is there a picture of a bathroom I don’t get it