Welcome! Introduce yourself here 🙂

[tyme]

Hi @Khal ,

Welcome to the forums. Lovely to have you join us. You are certainly not alone as you face the mental health challenges you currently face. It's not easy at all.

We are here to support one another.

What keeps you going?

[Tryingtobenough]

Hi! [edited by mod]. Im 39yrs old. It’s my first time here. I joined here because i need someone i cant talk to about my depression related to my marriage and my relationship with my sibling..

[PDMumandWife]

Hi!

I’ve recently got married for the first time and it has been a really rocky road.

The start of our relationship was an absolute whirlwind, I finally met the love of my life and am getting treated like a queen however it soon became apparent that something wasn’t quite right.

I have sat by his side while in a coma after attempting three times just this year, the first being the week before our wedding (my mum was very sick and passed away on my wedding day as well). The second during a trip to Bali which was really scary! And the most recent on his birthday where I put him into inpatient care and he was finally diagnosed with BPD and is working hard and doing well with treatment.

Since then, I am starting to realise my 19 year old son shows signs of NPD. He has been breaking my heart for years with his complete lack of empathy towards me and others, I don’t believe he was even sad when my mum died, nor other close family members in the past. I have been beating myself up and gone through so much depression thinking i was the problem and giving him all the gentle love and care I can but he just takes advantage of it and genuinely doesn’t care. It is way beyond ‘normal teenager behaviour’.

I brought it up with his dad and my husband and they both responded like ‘yeah you don’t see it but he really does not care’. My husband does DBT with a few people that have serious issues with NPD and he is quite concerned.

Where do I go from here?

[Ru-bee]

Hi @PDMumandWife and welcome

It sounds like there is a lot on your plate at the moment. 

I'm sorry to hear about what you and your husband have been going through, though it sounds like some positives steps forward have been taken since he was able to get a diagnosis. 

And to be supporting your new husband while also going through this worry about your son sounds as though it could quickly become overwhelming. I hear that you're concerned about your son's displays of empathy and emotions, it can be tricky because there are quite a few different conditions which can present in similar ways, some of which can co-occur with NPD. To really know what is going on your son would have to seek diagnosis himself - is that something you think he might consider at all?

Considered all of the support you're giving, I'm wondering what support you have access to at the moment? Have you been able to lean on any friends or family during this time?

[PDMumandWife]

Hi @Ru-bee thanks for the reply ☺️
I actually did reach out to the clinic where my husband stayed as an inpatient and continues his ongoing outpatient therapy and they were very helpful and checked in on me as well. They were able to offer me some information on support groups they run for carers and family members so I will definitely get involved with those in the new year. It’s hard to realise that you also need to look after yourself when looking after others, which became apparent recently when the grief from losing my mum finally hit me from February. I hadn’t allowed myself to be sad because I didn’t want to stress my husband out as he’s very sensitive to my mood.
They also mentioned that obviously my son has a right to privacy and needs to seek his own help but I am able to at least let his psych know of my concerns and he might keep an eye out. I know my husband it took a long time to diagnose due to masking, but I need to find a way to talk to him about it before I do that. It’s a hard one to bring up and I just don’t want to make him feel attacked or that I’m not on his team.
I love them both so much and just want the best for them!

[PDMumandWife]

Further to note: we are all neurodivergent and I have previously attributed my sons behaviours to ASD but it’s starting to seem like there’s something else