@utopia wrote:
 I think what's really going on with me at the moment - is that I know there is an emotion that is stuck just under the surface. I'm a bit worried that if I allow it to come out - that one thing after another will come out. That it will be too much.

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That is a yuck space to be in One of the reasons I am so desperate to get things moving with NP is that I've been near-constantly in a dissociative state for about 20 months now - since the major event that heralded the end of the "complex" relationship with my previous psych. I recognise that it is because my brain is flooded with big feelings and with all my failed help-seeking attempts, it is doing the only thing it can to protect itself. I am desperate to start unpacking all the layers of trauma so that I can heal my brain. So yep, I can hear your fear around allowing multiple layers of big feelings to come out.

I can really notice in my brain and in the rest of my body, how different this experience is to other experiences I've had, such as grief over a very discrete event (i.e. not complicated by other stuff). When my beloved dog passed away four years ago, the grief was all-consuming (and I still continue to grieve for him). However, I really noticed it was...um...a "pure" kind-of a feeling. That is, it wasn't complicated and murky like other experiences I've had where people have bailed out of my life. I cried SO MUCH after my dog died, but it felt safe and healthy and ok to do that.

Thank you for sharing - it has allowed me an opportunity to reflect on how very different these different situations have been in my life