I totally get the 'walking on eggshells' part @Faith-and-Hope - pretty much done that my whole life - when I haven't isolated myself 

I am definitely starting to 'stick up for myself' though. This morning I rang my parents to discuss my mum's birthday with dad - mum answered the phone and the first thing she said was 'you never ring' - I calmly and quietly said "you really didn't need to say that  did you". Her response was 'no I suppose I didn't". A year ago I would have hung up on her so I didn't need to be made feel any worse. I have also started doing that a lot more with my sister.

The really funny thing about all this is that I have been doing this with my dad for a long time - once I finally confronted him, stood up for myself (even though it ended really badly at the time) - since then I haven't 'let him' hurt me again. ...but my morther's words - and her mindset - even though I know where it comes from and why - is very 'cutting'. I honestly don't even think she realises (despite constant attempts to tell her) how negative and backhanded her comments are. Maybe she simply has a brain fog when it comes to me - most likely regret and shame herself from not stopping my father for all those years - that is my theory anyway - but I am constantly walking on eggshells around her and wondering what she will say next to upset me