Hi @Oaktree 

I really do hear you and I understand - you have every right to feel confused and hurt - and whatever else you have going on emotionally.

And this is important - your mother's behaviour is not reflection on you - it's very much her issue - what you have to do is to focus on healing yourself.

I had similar issues with my mother - I could never please her - she died with regrets - we were never reconciled - and truly - it was her loss - I have recovered from it. I must say though it was very hard work and I have seen therapists about it - I felt safe to examine her behaviour after she died. I hope you don't have to wait that long. Start today.

If your mother doesn't want to be a mother and rejects her adult children - wow - tough stuff - it's her choice - alas - you have different choices.

You may choose to chase after your mother - you were too hard for her when you were a child - feel proud of that - and if she still feels like that - it's not good to feel bad about yourself - you are who you are - a really loving person who tends her gardens and share her life with us - we love you for that.

But we can't make up for your mother - and yes - most people only have one - actually my son had two and he was really confused.

I was his adoptive mother and obviously - just human - and I did my best - to him his birth mother was an unknown quantity/quality - he felt less than because of this - I learned more about her after he died - of course he never did. I stuck by him until the end - in spite of my imperfections - I did my best - we would all like a mother who could honestly say that - I am sure.

I researched my mother's life after she died and learned a lot from one of my father's brothers - and in time found reasons for her behaviour but I will never extend any excuses. I have forgiven but I will never forget - I will take my truth about her to my grave. It's hard to make choices like this.

So - your choices are tough. You can try and find your mother and learn what can from her - or from other people - you can find reasons - even forgive - and this can give you peace of mind. You don't have to forget. You are the person you are in spite of her - and because of her - your choice is obviously to live a good life and you have been.

You are confused and unhappy - I have been too - even years after my mother's death I feel sorry for her - she did have a tough life - and so have I - I am pretty sure most people have.

We can't change the past though - we can only accept what has happened - and this is tough.

I really care - Meggle - I do so "get it".

Love

Mumma Bear

Owlunar