Thank you @Owlunar2 You have put 2 and 2 together about my past in a meaningful response, which has been very rare for me. (even from highly trained and paid professionals.)

I understand ... the psychological benefit of forgiveness ... your wrote " It is in our best interests to protect ourselves from vexatious spirits. "  My whole being leaned that way. Even my ward file says I loved my parents. In many ways, my 2 sibs and I who had been abandoned and returned to mother had much in common though we spent 5-7 years apart .  We did a lot of forgetting as we were not allowed to speak of or process our experiences ... so I had to research to put vague feelings and memories in perspective and even be able to develop a narrative.  I was only 6.  My brother was 4 and sister was 2, so their cognitive ability to remember and process was even less than mine. Their minds even more under strain from integrating all of it.