Hi @Zoe7@utopia@Former-Member@BlueBay

No - you didn't go off topic Zoe - this has been the story of my life and my son's life and how badly the system interferred and let us down - I think things have improved since back in the 1980s but it is still not good enough - and @Appleblossom knows a lot about this

My son was adopted and already suffering when we brought him home when he was two weeks old - my therapist came closest to what his "label"  was with a post-mortem dx of BPD along with ADHD, ADD, super-acute hearing and sense of smell - he could only see in 2D and his right hand was dominent and his left leg and eye were dominent. The world  must have been a chaotic place for him - and he did not comply with therapy - he resisted it and this makes for an extremely combative person and this is the surface

But I loved him and valued him and still do and always will - even after I die this will be the case

I warned him he would end up in prison - well it was Juvenile Detention but the buildings were terrible so you asked and I will tell you

The rooms were unheated - 10 feet by ten feet - two boys to a room - no access to light, toilet or the staff - they had to leave their clothes outside the room on the floor. There was little for them to do - they played volley ball sometimes, could watch a movie now and again, or work in the maintenance area but I don't know what happened there. It was incredibly depressing - and those building were built in the C19th - very Dickensian

I went and saw him every week except when I had a hysterectomy - often twice - sometimes 3 times - and the staff knew me and gave me lunch when I was there. I took him enough cigarettes for himself with some to share as well -

Some boys were in this high security facility for no other reason than they were Wards of the State - some were criminals - all tossed in together - wrong wrong wrong

He wanted me to take him home but I could not - I had warned him this would happened if he didn't obey the law and he had and I had to tell him I couldn't help him anymore - not then anyway - and he took his life two days later - but I am sure I did everything possible - more than most people could have or would have - and even today my heart breaks when I think about him

It is so sad - there wasn't really anything left for me to do for him and I doubt that anything could have helped - he was born that way - adopted chidren bring untold and unknown stories into the world with them and we do our best - and then some of these kids are just angry and violent

But that prison where he died was a dark and terrible place - each time I went in I read the art-graffiti on a wall which read

"Who Built Thebes of the Seven Gates?" History Books Say the Kings but did the Kings Carry the Lumps of Stone?"  [Brecht]

I don't know about the captains and the kings but I carried my lump of stone everytime I went there - and the last time I didn't know - I just carried it when I went in and when I came out - sometime I think I still am

Thanks for asking - I don't mind talking about it

Dec

There is no need to shed any tears for him - I have already shed all I have and more and God knows the truth -