Thanks @Former-Member
I have never had a come-to place here - when I started here I was still posting in that website in the States and it was a tough time for me
Anyway - I am bringing up your post as a quote to go through bit by bit and delete some things - it can be easier that way because you cover so many different things here
@TAWNEY wrote:
Chronic Pain Syndrome is horrivle, sorry your pain is worse lately, . . .(and) is debilitating but also sadly another stigmatised silent condition. Sad the doctor wasn't more helpful re back pain yesterday.
My doctor was okay and treated the pain - but his hands are tied by the specialist and he can't write anything else because of what he has a permit for. At least I have what I have and many people don't have that much - it is a silent and stigmatised condition - but it's also a very real condition
Best not to tell them emotional links to your back pain (re mother), we know its linked but they'll just see it as addiction.
I haven't had any trouble with thoughts of addiction - the first scans of my spine showed complex issues in my lumbar spine and an MRI proved it. At first a couple of nurses questioned me thinking I was addicted but this was far from the truth - and the specialists I saw were very understanding - and my use of Section 8 medication is monitored - I stay at the clinic after an injection and they watch - when I have one at home from the locum doctor they know me and know everything is done carefully.
I don't know what the future holds - without what I am having now I don't know that I could manage my life here - which probably works on my side because I get a lot of help and I am one of those people who want to stay in my own home. I understand how your mother feels about that
It's okay to talk about my mother - they all know about her and the way she treated me - I really do know she suffered a lot about that which is helpful - you know - I didn't seek to get back at her - I prayed for her to be released from her suffering - not to have suffering - but the universe cares for it's own - my mother had regrets.
Sorry this and your mum are driving you crackers atm.
With your mum - Do you know if there is a trigger for the troubling memories of your mother at the moment? An anniversary, weather, event?.. Sorry if you've already said, my memory needs help. I try to see my mum as wounded as a small child.
Yes - I was triggered - it was my mother's 2nd anniversary then Dad's 6th a few days later - and it's strange - I am okay about my father - I know he is not there but I often have a feeling he is in the next room - and I am not spooked or anything - things were fine between him and me but after he died my TS really got stuck into the ugly stuff
And then there was all the trouble at the Melbourne Juvenile Justice Centre and because it has been vandalised so much they are closing it and this bothers me a lot - I did a lot of work 30 years ago and I am not about to reopen my wound by going back there - but things have piled on top of me one after the other - and will TS needing to have my signature on documents and with texts and letters passing between us between sensitive dates I felt bruised - and curious - after giving me such a filthy look at my aunt's funeral why get in touch with me right then
I thought about it - perhaps she wants to make nice but I can't trust her - she will have to be more open and honest - wow - will she ever
I believe in the Holy Spirit - there is no malice in my heart or soul - I saw a meteor a few nights back - near the moon and Venus - and it was a beauty - and my first thought was that my sister could be healed - before I even thought to wish even - my prayer for her is that she can find her way to a place of being a reasonable person - but our mother managed to damage her too
Yes you can find me here - and hugsbackatcha also
Dec
