twin relationship still in one piece thankfully...she has just returned from her overseas trip and had a fabulous time going back to our birth country....so was lovely reminiscing ....looking at photographs of old school built in 1932...not when we were there laugh...

memories reaffirmed of front door....large gates and courtyard area ...playground of infant school...

she rang today...I asked about mum as she avoided subject when I saw her on sunday...

mum very happy and relieved that we are seeing each other....twin told me was not talking about me to her...something odd as mum gave me what I refer to as the death stare when she saw me enter her room on that fatal day...the day I went to hospital for my major surgery.....so ominous

regardless mum not wanting to have contact with me..resigned to that now...

I reassured twin have no intention of playing one off against the other...will not discuss other than the occasional how is she...not my style...

also stated that will respect mum's wishes...am sad about the fact...am realising ageing coming into the equation and she cannot deal with any upset....did not tell twin that sadly she cannot deal with my mind...never has been able to...that is not going to change now..

I have read of this so often on here...saddens me regardless...what a waste of love...well to my mind is not love....certainly not my type of love which comes without conditions..just don't get it...beyond me..

am going to allow myself to feel the emotion today...am not going to bury any more as I did for such a large part of my life....

this is sadly left me feeling that my small birth family is further dwindling....mum does not speak of "my family member" any more either so I must be banished to the same place...

another twist...in the path of my journey....