Sorry to hear of the reaffirmation of rejection from your mum @Sophia1. Self preservation is such a powerful motive for many of our behaviours but that rejection still hurts 

Our minds often do funny things to us - especially with no or very little sleep  - I can certainly attest to that.

it is the time of the year also - the nights are getting colder and viruses are going around - all combined means those with weaker immune systems are more susceptible to becoming unwell. I have been pretty careful but still managed to get sick again - at least this is an infection that can be fixed with antibiotics.I am hoping to be feeling a lot better in a couple of days but I also know how physically such things can effect me for some time so am not going to push it too far.