I am expressing how I am feeling at present ....

I have been struggling since the operation....medication...medication weaning....physical setback...emergency hospital....physiotherapist ....have just been told am only still in acute recovery...

still not realising that I have even had the operation...

realisation that have MRI in august ...3 months after 5 week check up...I think that I have written this elsewhere ...niggling .....can it come back...supposed to be putting plans in place for new home to be built...will I be here? sounds very melodramatic...

Has been hard with the change of username as I was advised at the time of discussing with the helpline...I know that I have done the right thing there though...just is what it is...

perhaps my time is up with the forums...

I am finding it so hard to respond to threads that are busy.....

I write on this one and then feel selfish...

I tag some people to let them know that I have not given up on them or think any less of them...yet I still cannot get that right some of the time....

I went through a period of this before I am just reminded...as I write this...a feeling of being misunderstood....not being able to express myself clearly...having to apologise...having to respond to my original post in new words...

why?

so I don't tag people anyway when I vent on here..

should someone pass by and read this....I am just going to stay here for a while...

nothing to do with anybody else...

this is about me and where I am at....

I don't feel that I can be of support or value to anyone at the moment..

I also don't have enough to go around at the moment...

I am very very tired....

I am also very very sad...

so I shall just stay over here.....

I feel like a child again...