@Catcakes thank you for understanding. Yep, it's super hard not to get anxious when you have had a bazillion past experiences of a delay in response resulting in further abandonment and loss. I've had so many experiences of being hurt over the past three months, that it now feels like I'm just waiting to get hurt again. I'm feeling frustrated because I've been making an extra super big effort to engage in Forum Land this week. I am definitely safest when I don't try to connect - it is the only way I seem to be able to be confident I won't get hurt further.