Hi @Captain24,
Sorry to hear you are going through a rough time at the moment. It's great that you are reaching out for help. I hope you know how many people on the forums care about you and support you.
Hopefully you will get an appointment with a psychologist very soon - from my experience a psychologist can be a great way to help untangle your thoughts in a safe, non-judgemental and caring space.
Please take care of yourself and let us know you are getting on.
Best wishes,
FloatingFeather