I am challenging you to help you break out of long seeded habits and ways of thinking @Birdofparadise8 For example - you saying that thinking of a positive would end in a negative - we cannot predict the future but if your mindset is that it WILL become negative then you have also lost the battle. Depression does not just go away or diminish on its own. We have to take positive steps and work hard to change as well. Doing the same things and expecting different results is not practical so the best support I can give is to help you in moving that mindset to a more positive one for a different outcome than you are used to.

The other thing about support is that both here and on RO you have peers to talk with. Support is not just agreeing with the person, it is also about providing our own lived experience to help that person develop strategies and communication that is more productive and positive. By all means vent but also be open to others trying to help otherwise the same patterns will continue and the same sadness, loneliness and pain will also continue - and I have no doubt that you do not want that.