@Captain24 you never have to apologise for the way you feel. i am sorry that you've had to deal with those overwhelming thoughts/feelings, i can see how extremely exhausting it is.
i am glad you made it to work safe despite how challenging that must've been. when are you seeing your psych next? i wonder if it's possible to chat to her soon, especially if it's impacting your safety. please do take breaks whenever you need.
sitting with you 💙