It sounds like 2 completely different lives @Jynx. it must have been a really hard journey.
How do I change them? Can they be changed? I don’t seem to learn anything how do I expect my brain to. I’ve just lost all hope. I constantly feel sick. I constantly feel nothing. I constantly feel miserable. I constantly feel not ok. How does that mean I can change them? I can’t change myself? I can’t get better?